I just found and added another photo of Scott from Halloween 2006.  It was taken in the old playhouse my sons grandpa built for them.  As the boys grew they would just hang out in it calliing it the "hut" instead of playhouse.  We furnished it with 2 Lazy Boys and an old couch.  They even had air conditioning, carpet, TV, and Playstation.  I spent some time in there, too.  It was a good place to talk with them and just be away from the world.  Scott used it right up to the time he died.  We live on an adjoining farm with his grandpa.  When he would get hot and tired from the work on the tractor, he would go in and rest a bit.  He also used it when he just wanted to be alone for a while.  Since Scott died, it has not been used.  It is sad.  I know all that sounds childlike but the truth is it was a safe space.  And since he and my youngest son, Adam (20) both were still at home it was a place to get away without really getting away. (I am sure they used it for many things they didn't want Mom to know about.)   Adam still lives here but he just doesn't want to go there anymore.  Too many brother memories, I think.  I am still really worried about Adam.  He doesn't want to talk about Scott much at all.  I do not pressure him.  I was so sick yesterday.  A stomach virus, I guess.  Anyway, it was good I stayed home from work as the insurance people wanted yet more information.  I was able to do and get what they wanted.  And, I finally got the stuff faxed to Social Security.  That was so hard to go through all his medical records.  I started taking the anti-depressant again yesterday, too.  I hope it helps.  I know there is no pill for my sadness but I feel myself just going into a deeper, darker hole.  I am sure my brain chemistry is off.  Why wouldn't it be?!?!?  I may write more later but for now......