Sun. 10-28-07: I picked up a fall decoration for Scott's grave and took it to him. I cried so hard. It hurts so much to go there. Of course it hurts where ever I am. I just can't seem to shake this overwhelming sadness. It gets worse everyday. I am sure my friends get sick of asking me how I am and me actually telling them. I do not want to go to work tomorrow. It has nothing to do with my job. It is just me. I am so tired that the thought of doing anything is overwhelming. Does this heaviness ever lighten up? I need to go over the medical records one more time before I fax them to social security. I keep putting it off 'cause they are just so hard to read. Guess it will be better to do it and be done with it. But.... Well, here's to another week to breathe my way through. I am really failing to see the point.
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Your grief is just so fresh. There will be days when it will lighten up and there will be days where you feel like you are starting all over. I have to be honest...so you can deal with it. I cry a lot and it has been over a year now. I do think I agree...the second year is the hardest...harder than the first one at least. Guess it is just part of our grief and growth journey. I will keep you in my prayers...and there is a point. I am still here...and i am totally alone now. Just hang in there dear! We are all here for you! Love, lana
while reading the journal and lans remarks , i got a panick attack , thinking about the second yr of them not coming back , how final, its not 6 months yet for our family , and thinking that far ahead just pours cold water on you and realy brings you to the reality of all the pain to come i gues s we really have to hang on tight to each other cause this horrible ride is going to get worse, ianm sorry to be so negative tonight , i have alot of anger in me tonight , no crying , just anger , all the why\'s ya know grief takeds on many faces i guess, i know god is testing me , i hope i come through it ok
It\'s going to be a constant uphill battle. We will slip and fall but we will all prevail. Keep telling yourself that. There\'s no other option. Play hookie from work if you can. I actually like to go to work, the distractions are most helpful but the first couple of months we\'re draining. Hang in there, here for you. Love Robin
Ginger, it may not seem like it now, but one day it will hit you that all of a sudden you\'re smiling. It may be something you see or do or hear, and you\'ll realize there is a smile on your face. Remember the fun and good times with Scott. Hang on to us when you feel yourself falling, we\'ll help hold you up. If your friends didn\'t want to hear how you really feel, they wouldn\'t ask. Hugging you and praying for you. Love you, Dawn.