October 14: Well, I survived the 17th week since Scott died. I don't know how. So many days I get up and wonder how in the world I can get through another day. I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I have a cold or something. Just feel yucky. Mom is doing a little better so that is good. I haven't been to see her in a week or so because I haven't felt well. I have talked to her every day. I hope she understands. I am hoping for a better week as far as mood goes. Guess that will depend on me and whatever comes in the mail. It is supposed to rain tomorrow so that might be tough. I know I have seasonal affective disorder even though it has never been diagnosed. I do not do well without sunlight. I went to visit Scott's grave yesterday. I don't know if it helps or not. I just stand there, cry, and tell him how much I miss him. Is there light at the end of this never ending tunnel? I am just so sick of all of it. I don't know how any of us get online and type, etc. I just don't know what else to do, I guess. Well, I am rambling. Have a peaceful week everyone.
Replies
I don\'t know if there is a light but I know if I keep moving it is somewhat easier. I haven\'t gone to where Jake\'s body is since his birthday in Aug. I can\'t, he is not there. But like you it just makes me cry real hard and I tell him everynite when I talk to him that I miss him. I hope you start to feel better. Lots of hugs, Jake\'s mom kathy
hoeny, i just wanna take you in my arms and give you a big hug to let you know that you are not alone. this pain, this hurt, this loss of Scott is still so very raw for you. please know that you have no time frame to \"get on with it\" like so many tell us. we manage to meet each day as it comes, we count the days, the weeks or the months ..... the only thing that i can say it brings is that we are one day closer to our sons. it hurts like hell whether you go to see his grave or sit at home. we just manage to get here on DS to know that we are so not alone. i am here, honey. i always will be. love you! ~ charlayne
huge hugs. always know how much i love you love marianne
I feel your pain and I\'m so sorry I can do nothing to relieve it but I can hold you while you cry and will. We go on because there is no other choice. Together we can and will make it. Hold tight to us and we\'ll pull you with us to what we are not sure but forward it is. Love and hugs cathy