This morning, in the quiet hour, as I play with Miss early bird babygirl, it occurs to me. Biomom has never had both kids by herself, with no help from anyone. Perhaps I am wrong, but I can’t think of a time. Even when she had opportunity, she would invite a friend over, and either have the friend help, or ignore the kids completely. On all the visitations at my house, she would end up watching tv or talking to someone on the phone for hours. I have always stepped in to help, gs would leave her and go play with PawPaw. The rare events where we would leave her with them while we got in the hottub, she would be calling out the door for us, and inside she would be watching tv. I could be mistaken, but sure seems like her interactions with the kids are short. When gs was in foster care, and she had visitation, I went with her to all of them, and tried to keep her from getting frustrated. Helping her. If he was crying she asked me to take him. And we bonded Biomom has a low frustration level, and a hot temper. When angry she yells and throws things.Her saying she is getting both kids is crazy. She says it will be sooner than I think. I guess it would be, since I don’t see it happening at all. She claims she is working, but she is always at her boyfriends house..She claims he has investment businesses. However, he only has a cheap apartment, no table, a mattress on his floor for a bed…WOWI think its time for the visits to be with her exerting more effort. I hate to punish the kids, but she needs to see how much work it is to handle 2 kids, without me to change diapers and feed them and keep them busy. No going out, strapping them in carseats and strollers. Just good ole here’s your kids, play with them for a couple hours, change them, and feed them yourself.
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I was just curious; how long will DCFS give her to meet her service plan before terminating her rights to the little girl, too? I think she\'s living in a fantasy world, just like my GS\'s mother. Just the fact alone that she has already lost her rights to one child speaks volumes and works against her. We had our first administrative case review @ the 6 month mark recently. The mother showed up as we were FINISHING the meeting, coming in all flustered and seemingly ticked off at everyone else because \"they (she & bf) got lost and couldn\'t find the building. They entertained her & did her review with her, which I wasn\'t completely in agreement with, but it was DCF\'s decision to make. B4 this meeting, my GS\'s mom told my daughter that her understanding was she\'d be going to this meeting to find out when she\'d be getting her baby back. Yeah; right! Neither she nor my son could prove that they\'d made any progress whatsoever in the 6 months that have passed. Neither have a job with a proven income. Neither could produce one single negative drug test. Neither could prove that they\'d completed parenting classes. My son has still made no effort to get his GED. For the first 4 months, both were meeting with the caseworker once a week for their visits with the baby. The caseworker would pick my GS up from daycare and meet them at a park or the library. In the very beginning, it was fairly regular and then as time went on, it got less and less regular to the point now where my son comes to my house, normally one evening a week for a visit and the mother has seen him once or twice during her mother\'s visits (other grandma takes him every other weekend and has permission to supervise her daughter visiting the baby) & once at a parade where she met us recently. My son seems to have a realistic view of the situation & seems to understand that I am going to end up with custody of his baby. He has pretty much left me with the impression that me getting custody is his resolve. The mother, on the other hand, still seems to be in denial and seems to be so shocked that another 6 months will have to pass before anything else is even considered. I just can\'t believe that she really thought that she\'d walk into that ACR and they were going to say, \"Okay, we\'re planning on giving your baby back to you and your cracked out heroin boyfriend at such & such a time because ?????? ..........we know you have made alot of visits with him?????\" It just blows my mind. She & my son used to fight over everything concerning his care - whose turn it was to change his diaper, who needed to pick him up and give him care when he cried, who needed to wash his clothes, who needed to get up with him during the night, who needed to get him down for a nap or bedtime. It was ridiculous. They lived with me, so I sat back and watched all of this, hoping they\'d eventually figure it all out. They never did. Heroin was always in control of them, so the baby was never a priority, even though to this day they still do not recognize that nor will either one of them admit it. I\'m just thankful that he will have no memory of how they treated him half the time. I would say that it is very likely you are going to end up with guardianship or custody of the baby girl, too, so I doubt it will do much good or prove to be beneficial to anyone to try and force her to parent either of the kids. I am very fortunate in that when either of my GS\'s parents visit with him, they will change his diaper or his clothes and will wait on him. My son will even come over and put him in the shower with him, sit and read him books, and give him his undivided attention most of the time. But...this is only for a couple of hours maybe one day a week. If he had him full-time, I know it wouldn\'t be as good & I know he wouldn\'t have the patience or the skill to deal with the day-to-day tasks. I\'ve watched both of them stress out and act ridiculous because they couldn\'t handle the basic everyday tasks. I just don\'t think these bios have it in them, for whatever reason. In my situation, the drugs have completely changed them & they both need LONG TERM inpatient rehabilitation. I just think that we\'ll be beating our heads up against a brick wall if we try to force it on them and like you said, the kids will pay the price.
Good luck in your situation; I know it\'s difficult.