Eep...
Dear DS diary,
This week has finally been closer to normal with regards to keeping appointments and such. We've gotten some additional snow but it was just an annoyance at best. Still was enough to push Boston over 100 inches for the winter for just the second time...one of my supervisors wants the all-time record broken now (only about 6 inches more needed there).
It doesn't mean things have gotten any better, though. Today I'm back in a dark, discouraged place. Stress level has gotten bad enough that it finally morphed into a stress headache...which in turn lead to some violent vomiting this morning. Don't ask me why, but when I get a stress headache it doesn't clear until I have extracurricular activity in the toilet. Nothing else has worked in recent years, which screams of how bad my addiction issues has made a mess out of any and all attempts to take a load off.
I told my therapist about what happened with my longplay a couple of weeks back...and already have the sinking feeling that he's not going to find any answers for it, because at the end of the day the circumstances are identical to what happened with my puzzle addiction so many years ago. Honestly starting to wonder how difficult asking for a female shrink would have been, just from experience I've found the ladies listen better.
I'm feeling discouraged enough that right now pretty much everything has flatlined, which is bad because when that happens it takes a lot for things to get back on track...and it takes so little for it to get derailed again. I'm already worried about what will be a near-certain retrigger when the Boston Marathon is run in mid-April.
This week has finally been closer to normal with regards to keeping appointments and such. We've gotten some additional snow but it was just an annoyance at best. Still was enough to push Boston over 100 inches for the winter for just the second time...one of my supervisors wants the all-time record broken now (only about 6 inches more needed there).
It doesn't mean things have gotten any better, though. Today I'm back in a dark, discouraged place. Stress level has gotten bad enough that it finally morphed into a stress headache...which in turn lead to some violent vomiting this morning. Don't ask me why, but when I get a stress headache it doesn't clear until I have extracurricular activity in the toilet. Nothing else has worked in recent years, which screams of how bad my addiction issues has made a mess out of any and all attempts to take a load off.
I told my therapist about what happened with my longplay a couple of weeks back...and already have the sinking feeling that he's not going to find any answers for it, because at the end of the day the circumstances are identical to what happened with my puzzle addiction so many years ago. Honestly starting to wonder how difficult asking for a female shrink would have been, just from experience I've found the ladies listen better.
I'm feeling discouraged enough that right now pretty much everything has flatlined, which is bad because when that happens it takes a lot for things to get back on track...and it takes so little for it to get derailed again. I'm already worried about what will be a near-certain retrigger when the Boston Marathon is run in mid-April.
Replies
I really hope you are able to tell your therapist the dark place you are in. You are NOT alone in this feeling. I hope you and I can stick it out together and somehow, someway things get better for us. I also get stress headaches and been getting a lot like you. I feel right now we are two peas in the same pod. I know how hard the Boston Marathon is on you. Try not to think about it yet if you can. I know how hard that is thought when it comes to our worries. I hope you can get a female pdoc.
((((((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))