Dear DS diary,
I really just don't know what to say. There is one good thing, and that's that I have no regrets about leaving Team Beachbody. I've since moved over to SparkPeople, and have found help to be much more readily available there. This is good, because my sister recently completed a 5K despite being severely out of shape and very bad course conditions on the day of the race. Now I want to complete one too eventually.
The bad is that I'm really starting to fear I may have to start treating everything in a professional capacity and just ignore the social aspect of my life, because it's clear the social part is on a road to nowhere.
Last night my parents went out to dinner with two friends. I was disinvited because these one of these two friends is loud and silly, which my parents are smart enough to know doesn't go over with me (now if only they were there when I've been showing my warning signs, maybe I wouldn't be the mess that I've become). They felt bad leaving me out of it, so they tried to leave me $10 so I could get a bite to eat on my own.
It didn't work. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to go to one of the downtown eateries and not regret it afterwards, I shoved the money right back at my mother at around 1pm and didn't give her a chance to reconsider. The fact that I had no chance to try to get one of the few IRL friends I have involved didn't help. When I was with the two girls from HS that I'm still safe being around for lunch a few weeks ago, it was easier because friends were involved. In any other scenario, I can't stand it socially speaking.
There's a reason Metallica's "The Unforgiven", which I have provided a link to on my FB personal page, is my personal anthem...(sigh)...
I really just don't know what to say. There is one good thing, and that's that I have no regrets about leaving Team Beachbody. I've since moved over to SparkPeople, and have found help to be much more readily available there. This is good, because my sister recently completed a 5K despite being severely out of shape and very bad course conditions on the day of the race. Now I want to complete one too eventually.
The bad is that I'm really starting to fear I may have to start treating everything in a professional capacity and just ignore the social aspect of my life, because it's clear the social part is on a road to nowhere.
Last night my parents went out to dinner with two friends. I was disinvited because these one of these two friends is loud and silly, which my parents are smart enough to know doesn't go over with me (now if only they were there when I've been showing my warning signs, maybe I wouldn't be the mess that I've become). They felt bad leaving me out of it, so they tried to leave me $10 so I could get a bite to eat on my own.
It didn't work. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to go to one of the downtown eateries and not regret it afterwards, I shoved the money right back at my mother at around 1pm and didn't give her a chance to reconsider. The fact that I had no chance to try to get one of the few IRL friends I have involved didn't help. When I was with the two girls from HS that I'm still safe being around for lunch a few weeks ago, it was easier because friends were involved. In any other scenario, I can't stand it socially speaking.
There's a reason Metallica's "The Unforgiven", which I have provided a link to on my FB personal page, is my personal anthem...(sigh)...
Replies
Don\'t give up yet. You can have a social life and overcome your paranoia. It\'s something you need to work on in therapy, and if your therapist isn\'t working for you, you should see a different therapist.
There is a website I\'ve seen people on DS talking about. It\'s called meetup.com I personally don\'t know much about it. Have you looked into it?
Before you go out to eat, you can always look up the calorie/nutrition information of the food at restaurants online. You don\'t have to eat the entire meal and you can bring the rest home for later. The portions they give you at restaurants are usually big. Personally, that\'s what I normally do.
Good luck on your fitness journey. You sound like you\'re on the right track.
I\'m glad to hear you found a fitness group that is more compatable with you:)
Your fears seem to have gotten the best of you...have you talked with your therapist recently about what\'s happening? If not, I humbly suggest you do so as soon as possible. You are a very kind young man and if your therp isn\'t helping you get better, perhaps it is time to find another one though I know your fear could make that difficult.
Please don\'t give up, you can get better!!! Your friends will always stand by you through thick or thin and I for one, will continue to believe in you as well.
At the least, keep journaling rather than \"stuffing\" the negatives, ok?
(((((((((((very gentle hugs))))))))))))