Dear DS diary,
This was a difficult week for sleeping. I finally got hooked up with my life coach, but not before I had freakout nightmares both the two nights before I saw him and the two nights after I saw him. Needless to say this made my output at work this week a disaster as well. I really should have been told to go home early on the Wednesday shift. They're too nice. I honestly would benefit if someone would actually crack the whip at the place.
Talked with therapist at great length about exposure therapy. Several things came out: One is that this problem of new things hasn't always existed. It formed in its present state sometime between the end of HS (when my sense of safety flew the coop) and the end of my first run through college. Another is that usually after I've been somewhere or seen someone for the first time, it's a lot easier because I have an idea of what I'm getting into. But this means that I don't know -- and we're still working on this -- how to handle initial anything, because I don't know how to embrace the unknown.
It scares me, experience has taught me to keep my guard up all the time...I want to peek, but I don't want to find out if I'm wrong. Because if I'm wrong, it's like I'll be piling on everything that has been holding me back. Every time I say I can't afford another reinforce or retrigger, one come bouncing along, and then it becomes very hard to ignore.
Therapist likes the idea of possibly joining a fall bowling league. I could get to the alley by bus so transport really isn't the problem. I used to go to the place a lot so that wouldn't be an issue. But Idk how I'd handle the people part. None of my friends are bowlers, so I'd be around strangers...right now I still see that as trouble waiting to happen.
This was a difficult week for sleeping. I finally got hooked up with my life coach, but not before I had freakout nightmares both the two nights before I saw him and the two nights after I saw him. Needless to say this made my output at work this week a disaster as well. I really should have been told to go home early on the Wednesday shift. They're too nice. I honestly would benefit if someone would actually crack the whip at the place.
Talked with therapist at great length about exposure therapy. Several things came out: One is that this problem of new things hasn't always existed. It formed in its present state sometime between the end of HS (when my sense of safety flew the coop) and the end of my first run through college. Another is that usually after I've been somewhere or seen someone for the first time, it's a lot easier because I have an idea of what I'm getting into. But this means that I don't know -- and we're still working on this -- how to handle initial anything, because I don't know how to embrace the unknown.
It scares me, experience has taught me to keep my guard up all the time...I want to peek, but I don't want to find out if I'm wrong. Because if I'm wrong, it's like I'll be piling on everything that has been holding me back. Every time I say I can't afford another reinforce or retrigger, one come bouncing along, and then it becomes very hard to ignore.
Therapist likes the idea of possibly joining a fall bowling league. I could get to the alley by bus so transport really isn't the problem. I used to go to the place a lot so that wouldn't be an issue. But Idk how I'd handle the people part. None of my friends are bowlers, so I'd be around strangers...right now I still see that as trouble waiting to happen.
Replies
I really think you will start to feel significantly better once you are able to sleep better. Sleep affects our mood, mental health, focus, etc.
Listen to the isochronic tones I sent you. I\'ve told you how amazing they are and how they\'ve cured my sleep disorder. Use the isochronic tones I sent you because they also seem to be calming. Yes, life sucks and I have anxiety. However, when I\'m listening to my isochronic tones as I\'m lying down to try and go to sleep, I sometimes feel at peace. The isochronic tones I sent you are both calming and help you sleep. However, avoid high frequency isochronic tones because they might make you anxious or depressed. Try not to exceed a 13 hz isochronic tone. I told my doctor about isochronic tones, and he told me to listen to a 4 hz isochronic tone to sleep.
I\'m not a mental health professional, BUT I really think you should try dialectical behavioral therapy. I really think you could use the distress tolerance aspect of it. Does your therapist practice DBT? Here is a website on DBT.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/an-overview-of-dialectical-behavior-therapy/0001096/2
The world is a scary place, but you don\'t have to live your life in fear. You are worrying about things that may never happen. Most of the things we worry about never happen.
I really don\'t know what to say to help, but I\'m listening.
Start going to the bowling alley now. Say maybe twice a week. Just to have a pop or a coffee or something. Or to play a game by yourself for practice. Then when league season starts you will be in a routine (comforting) maybe it will give you time to meet some of the staff (acquaintances) so you will have someone you \"know\"