Dear DS diary,
A couple of my friends wanted to know why I'm having birthday blues.  Since I am not really in a mood to talk with anyone else tonight, here goes:
* I still feel like I have nothing to celebrate...every day seems to be getting harder.  There just seems to be a thousand things that I really want or need to be doing and my get-up-and-go for it has got up and went.  All I want to do is watch YouTube videos, and since I've managed to stop that my nights are basically staring into space, lying in bed, waiting for the time to take my sleep med and fall asleep.
* It breaks my heart that my support network isn't what it should be.  That came up when I visited my therapist yesterday.  The truth is that my parents are no darn good for support, so I have to take time to respond to e-mails and come here to get any kind of actual empathy.  It hurts so bad.
* Someone suggested that I try to find good to balance what has gone bad.  I don't know where to start on that...right now, it doesn't feel like anything is right.  I might as well be torn, like the Natalie Imbruglia song that was titled "Torn" (look it up on the Tube if you're not familiar).
It's just all so overwhelming and it just feels like it defines my year...and the year before that, and the year before that, and the year before that.  I just wish I had answers...