:'(
Dear DS diary,
I am not happy with the way my stamina has been holding up the last couple of weeks. Last night it came to a head when I wanted to spend some time skimming for my PCC exam at the only real chance I had yesterday -- at night -- and that didn't go well. In fact, I didn't even get going, my eyes effectively went wham and I was out for the night. I proceeded to sleep for 10 hours, which is extreme for me.
I have a lot of concerns about this:
* The only times I've been actually sleeping well -- meds or not -- is when this happens; I get so exhausted that my body basically says that's it.
* Knowing how my schedule is running, I have no chance at prepping the way I will need to for this thing if I can't sneak in sessions at night consistently for the next two weeks. Even super-skimming (every other paragraph) wouldn't be enough. I'm really starting to wonder if I shouldn't just dial this in now and bank on failing the first attempt so I have more time (two months) to really be ready for this thing.
* There is no doubt in my mind that continued panic episodes about dealing with new people -- and what is an inability to deal with those for more than two or three minutes at once -- is behind part of this at the minimum. We managed to call the center this week but it is so swamped with calls for help that a response isn't coming until sometime next week...I just don't have that kind of time if my parents want me to start searching for paralegal work soon.
(sigh) This just makes me want to cry...I've already had two meltdowns this week about this...
I am not happy with the way my stamina has been holding up the last couple of weeks. Last night it came to a head when I wanted to spend some time skimming for my PCC exam at the only real chance I had yesterday -- at night -- and that didn't go well. In fact, I didn't even get going, my eyes effectively went wham and I was out for the night. I proceeded to sleep for 10 hours, which is extreme for me.
I have a lot of concerns about this:
* The only times I've been actually sleeping well -- meds or not -- is when this happens; I get so exhausted that my body basically says that's it.
* Knowing how my schedule is running, I have no chance at prepping the way I will need to for this thing if I can't sneak in sessions at night consistently for the next two weeks. Even super-skimming (every other paragraph) wouldn't be enough. I'm really starting to wonder if I shouldn't just dial this in now and bank on failing the first attempt so I have more time (two months) to really be ready for this thing.
* There is no doubt in my mind that continued panic episodes about dealing with new people -- and what is an inability to deal with those for more than two or three minutes at once -- is behind part of this at the minimum. We managed to call the center this week but it is so swamped with calls for help that a response isn't coming until sometime next week...I just don't have that kind of time if my parents want me to start searching for paralegal work soon.
(sigh) This just makes me want to cry...I've already had two meltdowns this week about this...
Replies