Dear DS diary,
I hate holiday weekends. Working on my study guide -- I have no idea what's driving me to keep going with that -- helped over the last two days, but I still feel...very vulnerable.
I was able to do some lawn mowing when a band of heavy thunderstorms missed to my west (fortunately), but that didn't stop me from having an anxiety breakdown in my room after lunch. This one lasted a good 20 minutes and every minute of it hurt. It's the same problems that there have always been -- but in particular, fears over new social situations that are sure to come up soon are driving me insane at the moment. I don't feel equipped to handle them...I still think people want my head and while it would probably help me to use Skype, these days I've been running from it instead of to it.
I can't go through a week without having at least one meltdown now and I honestly am at the point where I feel I can't wait any longer for my new insurance card to come in so that I can try that Mass General option that has been floated. Since my doc likes the idea getting referrals -- if I have to do that -- will not be an issue.
Lined up companion sites from some of my college textbooks -- and some I didn't have -- last week to help me study for the PCCE. Have a feeling I'm going to have to go to them, and much sooner than I think. I'm going to break soon...I can feel it. And when I do, even bait hanging from a stick probably won't be enough to get me back to reading.
I hate holiday weekends. Working on my study guide -- I have no idea what's driving me to keep going with that -- helped over the last two days, but I still feel...very vulnerable.
I was able to do some lawn mowing when a band of heavy thunderstorms missed to my west (fortunately), but that didn't stop me from having an anxiety breakdown in my room after lunch. This one lasted a good 20 minutes and every minute of it hurt. It's the same problems that there have always been -- but in particular, fears over new social situations that are sure to come up soon are driving me insane at the moment. I don't feel equipped to handle them...I still think people want my head and while it would probably help me to use Skype, these days I've been running from it instead of to it.
I can't go through a week without having at least one meltdown now and I honestly am at the point where I feel I can't wait any longer for my new insurance card to come in so that I can try that Mass General option that has been floated. Since my doc likes the idea getting referrals -- if I have to do that -- will not be an issue.
Lined up companion sites from some of my college textbooks -- and some I didn't have -- last week to help me study for the PCCE. Have a feeling I'm going to have to go to them, and much sooner than I think. I'm going to break soon...I can feel it. And when I do, even bait hanging from a stick probably won't be enough to get me back to reading.
Replies
***I bet this is so much pressure on u plz try not to be so hard on urself I know how u feel sometimes I cry at the drop of a hat but I\'ve been told not suppose to cry sometimes it does help relies some of the tension ****wishing u the best of Luck***Keep Smilin**