Dear DS diary,
Today was a difficult one.  My sister wanted me to see what she's done with her house.  No big deal...except that I had to work this morning too.  With the US Labor Day holiday, we're looking at a short week next week.  I managed to do both but tonight I'm a little...loopy.
I wish I had brought my camera so I could show you guys some shots, because the room that serves as her home office is painted in Winnie the Pooh colors, complete with the rugged-looking map of the Hundred Acre Wood made famous by the Pooh stories.  It actually looked really, really good.  She loves Winnie the Pooh and has several stuffies of them scattered around...including one that talks.
But the takeaway for me was that in one of the main rooms just inside the entrance, she had a game of Scrabble, boxed up neatly, lying around.  She plays it often with her husband.  I'm looking at this thing, and I can't help but think, "I wish I felt like playing that game again...used to love it...but nothing really feels safe now."
How that didn't trigger, I don't know.  But I already had suffered a really bad panic attack the other night when I scheduled my certification exam (for 10/3), so it's possible my nerves were still worn out from that.  But it still points pungently to how much my head is a mess right now...nothing feels safe, anything that leads to something I'm not comfortable with is triggering, anything that could take the edge off is dangerous unless it has an absolute stop point (uploading vids to my YouTube channel, which now has seven of them, is about the only thing working out right now).
(sigh)...