Tonight, my head is a mess.  Again.
I did manage to get a date for my certification exam...October 3.  That's not the problem; reading through the study guide with some white noise playing from my lappy seems to be working so far.  Today I covered more than 20 pages so finishing it and having some review time looks okay.
And yet, I feel very scared.  It doesn't seem to be about just one thing.
About halfway through session today I took a break that I was actually able to break off after 15 minutes for once.  That was nice to pull off, but I still feel bad about using them, because I know what the risk is if my heart or my mood is in a bad place.
I'm afraid of where this will take me next if I pass.  I'm in no shape to be interacting with people much right now and taking a chance on hospital is still at least a couple of weeks off at the minimum.  Meanwhile, for reasons unknown, I seem to have run from Skype...yes, I did have that one successful video call there, but I haven't been able to repeat the feat...too scared that whoever is at the other end is going to be armed. :'(
And now I'm having a weakness moment where I will likely jump on a couple of PSP games I have been eyeing for a while...and it doesn't feel like one I can fight.  I probably will fight it off now that I've said this, but I just...
...(sigh)...I can't make sense of it right now.  I just can't.