Dear DS diary,
I'm starting to notice a pattern at work, and it just makes me want to cry.
Logically, I know that my colleagues at work aren't going to hurt me.  Emotionally, though, that's proving to be not so easy to convince myself of this.  I can make it through maybe three hours of a shift okay, but then my heart starts to fail...which is usually when I drop off too.  And I'll still have five hours to go on most shifts.
This I don't blame anybody on, only me.  But it bothers me that I am having to go to the bathroom down below and let meltdowns take place during my shift when my fears just become too much.  It happened on Saturday morning and it happened again today.  The meltdowns are short enough that nobody notices when I disappear.  But they can tell from the look in my eyes when I come back that something has triggered inside me.
They almost always don't ask why, which is just as well because I'm not sure I could tell them the truth.  But I can tell my performance is dropping off.  It's been a long time since I've had a good session that did not involve doing controlled substance inventory, but nobody has said anything.