Dear DS diary,
Today my mother found out that currently my paralegal routine is on a road to nowhere at the moment...I basically told her that in my current condition it's tearing me apart.  We don't get to see the primary until August 8th...that appointment will be fun, and not in a good way.
She really didn't have anything to say, except that it's probably time to start over, at least from the point where I was once I finished my one meeting at the career center, and that tying up the insurance loose ends should probably take priority at the moment.  On the whole that was no help at all, but at least she conceded that given where my anxieties have been, a crash out could have been expected, especially with my trust issues.
Got help from a couple of friends over the weekend on the concept of celebrating over barely anything at all, a necessary step since I will probably have to do that to bring my sleep pattern back into line.  The first attempt was a misfire -- I wanted to read but couldn't decide which book to read, there are so many in my house and a few on my PC Kindle app --  but I was alerted beforehand that misfires would happen early until I felt comfortable with the idea.  So I will hang on to this, because once it does work out, certain things...like my hiding issues...should certainly become less scary.
Which is probably what I need the most...less fear.