Dear DS diary,
The addiction issues with games are back. It feels horrible but with my anxiety at unmanageable levels right now it is proving to be far easier to hide than to push. Even when I'm finally able to yank myself off of the things I'm feeling no better than I did when I started, and not being able to fall asleep until midnight or later -- it's more like passing out now -- is becoming increasingly common. A live chat the other night produced a pair of willing ears but no workable solutions, my defenses are basically gone now.
The only times I am able to sleep through the night are when I basically collapse from exhaustion. There will certainly be fireworks when I finally see my primary again on 8/8, and he is likely to get an earful or three for his crap ideas from last time (pardon the language).
Tomorrow I'm going to see my brother's wife present an exhibition of her artwork' it's her thesis program for a masters that she's finishing up from the Boston Museum of Fine Arts, which is insanely difficult to get into. My parents have alerted me that this will likely not be a smooth trip because we'll have to drive in (the metro parking lot will be totally used up long before we leave), and we don't quite know where we're going...so there will likely be arguments.
To which I conceded, yeah, so? I didn't elaborate, but I know darn well why I'm doing this: Because my sleep pattern is so busted right now that my brain is effectively on automatic pilot indefinitely, there is really no hope for what I should be doing (either my study guide or my resume) on my free days because I won't remember a lick of it. I'm only going to end up hiding anyway so this is as good as any.
The addiction issues with games are back. It feels horrible but with my anxiety at unmanageable levels right now it is proving to be far easier to hide than to push. Even when I'm finally able to yank myself off of the things I'm feeling no better than I did when I started, and not being able to fall asleep until midnight or later -- it's more like passing out now -- is becoming increasingly common. A live chat the other night produced a pair of willing ears but no workable solutions, my defenses are basically gone now.
The only times I am able to sleep through the night are when I basically collapse from exhaustion. There will certainly be fireworks when I finally see my primary again on 8/8, and he is likely to get an earful or three for his crap ideas from last time (pardon the language).
Tomorrow I'm going to see my brother's wife present an exhibition of her artwork' it's her thesis program for a masters that she's finishing up from the Boston Museum of Fine Arts, which is insanely difficult to get into. My parents have alerted me that this will likely not be a smooth trip because we'll have to drive in (the metro parking lot will be totally used up long before we leave), and we don't quite know where we're going...so there will likely be arguments.
To which I conceded, yeah, so? I didn't elaborate, but I know darn well why I'm doing this: Because my sleep pattern is so busted right now that my brain is effectively on automatic pilot indefinitely, there is really no hope for what I should be doing (either my study guide or my resume) on my free days because I won't remember a lick of it. I'm only going to end up hiding anyway so this is as good as any.
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