Dear DS diary,
The effects of my doctor doing nothing about my panic episodes is wasting no time rearing its ugly head. He only offered basic stuff about increasing physical activity and the like. Maybe they'd be good ideas if I didn't feel so stressed and worried, but for me they're not.
It showed this morning. I went out for one of my regular walk routes, one that loops around one of the several train depots that are in my hometown of Melrose, MA. It's a fairly good walk, one that takes me around 40 minutes to complete the loop.
Today, I never got close to that train depot. I probably made it seven blocks at most before it became clear as daylight that I was getting no bounce from it. Nothing. Not even a crack of a smile. I gave up on the route and went home the way that I came.
It's not unusual for me to give up on a route if I realize that I don't quite have the time I need to finish as per my original plans. But this one was different. This one I definitely had enough time to do and it never came close to the halfway point before I bailed because it was doing me no good.
This brings me to tears, in fact I am having another breakdown as I type this. It's not like to give up on a walk like this. But right now, I am not getting a bounce from anything. Nothing is working. And I am out of ideas.
The effects of my doctor doing nothing about my panic episodes is wasting no time rearing its ugly head. He only offered basic stuff about increasing physical activity and the like. Maybe they'd be good ideas if I didn't feel so stressed and worried, but for me they're not.
It showed this morning. I went out for one of my regular walk routes, one that loops around one of the several train depots that are in my hometown of Melrose, MA. It's a fairly good walk, one that takes me around 40 minutes to complete the loop.
Today, I never got close to that train depot. I probably made it seven blocks at most before it became clear as daylight that I was getting no bounce from it. Nothing. Not even a crack of a smile. I gave up on the route and went home the way that I came.
It's not unusual for me to give up on a route if I realize that I don't quite have the time I need to finish as per my original plans. But this one was different. This one I definitely had enough time to do and it never came close to the halfway point before I bailed because it was doing me no good.
This brings me to tears, in fact I am having another breakdown as I type this. It's not like to give up on a walk like this. But right now, I am not getting a bounce from anything. Nothing is working. And I am out of ideas.
Replies
Sorry to hear the walk didn\'t go well, friend...have you thought of maybe varying your routes a bit? Just a thought. Perhaps it would be easier to get that \'bounce\' if you were always seeing something new, you know? Also, the only other thing I can think of would be to really pay attention to the things around you...flowers, pets, the weather...just something simple like that can sometimes get me out of my head, if that makes sense, even if it\'s just for a little while...wishing u peace