So my brother came over today for lunch and so we could screw around with my starter resume. (I wish I knew how to put accents on these darn things on DS).  We did a lot of messing around with it but a lot of stuff also came out that I know my heart is not ready for...basically everything I wasn't able to do the last time I made any attempt to look for work.
It's not his fault, but everything that came out was overwhelming when I had time to process it, and it triggered a very bad breakdown that lasted over an hour.  Tears galore, me becoming a nervous wreck, the whole bit.  Having a plan and having any confidence in being able to do are two different things.
Forced myself to contact the career center a few minutes ago.  Probably going to regret doing that.  Really feeling like I've backed myself into a corner where the anxieties I have are going to take over.  It feels like they already have taken over.
I wish I never was diagnosed with Aspies or cerebal palsy...those melded me into a pessimist, and I still can't fight it anywhere near hard enough to get rid of it, one of those "you can't believe what you can't see" issues.