So, tonight I conceded to mother that I'm not feeling particularly wild about going to my commencement exercises on June 1 (assuming I clear all four of my courses, which looks like it should happen).  I got a little bit of a surprise when she said that was okay, but it really didn't do anything to brighten my mood much.
Frankly, I have no idea at all how the heck I was able to finish my last major set of projects this week.  I mean, I'm a better writer than I am a speaker, I've been told, but it's obvious I'm on automatic pilot from what amounts to sleep deprivation now.  And it's showing: On Lumosity, where I do four or five short mental exercises a day now, I had my worst showing to date on the Eagle Eye game (an attention challenge) about an hour and a half ago.  I was so distracted I only converted four turns, four out of twelve.  The first time I tried this event I was able to put some decoy (fake) targets into play.  Now I'm nowhere near that.
But there seems to be little reason to think that I'm going to stabilize much soon.  I'm really worried...about where to go from here, about meeting people I don't know, about keeping my knowledge current...it all feels just so overwhelming and my confidence is just not there.
I guess we could say that it never has been there.