This really needs to go up on the Aspies board/group but I cannot bring myself to go there today:
It didn't take long for me to have another breakdown this morning, tears and all.  I'm wishing I could leave the college with some kind of contact person, just to stay in touch, but I know that won't happen.  I can't get over my feelings that they're out to get me, so it's the same thing that has always been happening: Try to go somewhere, make at least half an attempt to fit, only to see that it's useless because nobody really understands how I feel, so I quietly burn bridges by just leaving everybody behind, never to hear from me again.
Tomorrow I'm expected to go to an early Mother's Day celebration after my classes.  I'm expected to at least act like I'm happy, but I won't be able to because I know I am miles away from happy.  One of my brothers is expected to be there, and he'll want to know how my AS is going.  That's probably when the truth will come out about how I don't want to go to commencement, and when it does come out, there are going to be people who will be plenty mad at that.
It's sad and I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, but the one thing I really wanted from these two and a half years at community college -- answers -- is still nowhere to be found.  And I've basically given up hope that I'm going to fit in anywhere.