This morning before I felt I tossed a rare (for me) post ("How to regain sense of safety?") that felt like it was a necessity since over the last week I have emotionally seemed to...deteriorate, let's be blunt about that.
One of the responses said I need to start outing how I feel.  So, consider this part of said out.
I'm not going to argue that there were plenty of stories of people running to the scene to help, not running from the scene.  I'm pretty sure the death toll would be much larger than three if that hadn't been the case.
There's just one problem with that, and it's not the heart of those people: The few scenes I did see of that were so graphic with the injuries involved that I couldn't watch them when they came up.  So the only news scenes I actually got to see was taped footage of Copley Square roped off with shrapnel all over the place and eyewitness footage of the actual detonations.
You can actually argue that I didn't learn my lesson from the day of the shootings at Sandy Hook.  That day, I came back from class, found only that story on the news, and heard the reports deteriorate in terms of casualties before my world weary eyes.  The exact same thing happened this time with the bombing in Boston.  I guess I was watching anyway because I had a lot of the questions that other people, I'm sure, were asking, specifically why did this have to happen.  
Considering that I've been told by a couple of people (mostly the few online friends I have) that I probably have undiagnosed PTSD from the smoke bombing in high school, this isn't particularly smart in retrospect, like it's piling on to the people issues I already have that will not go away.  Maybe I have to concede that said people issues are permanent.
Maybe I have to concede that I'll never really feel safe again and need to find some other way to move on.
Maybe...
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