There were rumors circulating at home earlier this week that one of my colleagues where I work was going to be leaving.
Yesterday, those rumors got confirmed.  I found out indirectly, by overhearing a conversation.  As it turns out, my colleague is going somewhere else that has better benefits than what she's getting where I work, and she hates to leave us but that's the reason why.
These things happen, and her logic is understandable.  I have it on reliable sources that she is not the first one to do this.
But considering that we're in the middle of a long and difficult project helping a psych ward open their own pharmacy because the one that had been servicing them has been shut down, this was more than I could take.  Even though it's clear as daylight that I can't contribute much more hours than I currently do.
I'm already panicky that we won't keep up (we haven't been able to this week).  That we won't find someone confident to take my colleague's place quickly.  In other words, that this thing is going to fall apart.
I have my mantras but last night they were no match for the panic I felt.  I had what had to have been my worst night in months, with am avoidance episode big enough to rival my worst ones.  And problems falling asleep to boot.
Do we need to add that I am feeling very very scared this morning?