Just finished the present exchange with my family, in about 90 minutes I'm hosting a holiday brunch at an uncle's house. And I'm running on fumes the whole time. I couldn't talk them into leaving me out of this, so now I have a half-dozen new triggers in my room that I don't want (the only one that didn't hurt my insides came from a friend).
Woke up again at 2am this morning; a pattern that has been going on with only occasional interruption for two solid months now. I conceded to a friend that last week that I was very afraid the pattern would go on until the holiday hoopla was gone because the stress from that has been as bad as the stress of the regular semester, if not worse. Now that I only have a few hours left of that formally speaking, I can only hope that I'm right.
Woke up again at 2am this morning; a pattern that has been going on with only occasional interruption for two solid months now. I conceded to a friend that last week that I was very afraid the pattern would go on until the holiday hoopla was gone because the stress from that has been as bad as the stress of the regular semester, if not worse. Now that I only have a few hours left of that formally speaking, I can only hope that I'm right.
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Updating this: The brunch is now over, I\'m in the clear which is good because I have things to do over the next week...and I can\'t stop crying. :\'( As sure as I\'ve feared, only now is my stress level, and hopefully my nightmares, starting to dissipate, like I basically saw to it that I fulfilled my own prophecy.
This makes me feel really sad because I thought I could be better than this. :\'(
I need a hug...again...
Don\'t get down on yourself over all this - stress gets to everyone. Crying\'s not a bad thing either, it helps to get it out.
Sending you a virutal hug because I can\'t give you a real one...