More anxiety over my birthday today; it's distracting me horribly.
So, I know I really don't want anything -- especially the Kindle -- for my birthday because I'm feeling so fragile; a lot of my taking recently has been very private because of its sensitive nature and complicating things with...anything right now is just a really bad idea. I still have stuff from last Christmas that is still in its shrink wrap, the fear is that bad of abuse.
My mother gets that...but my dad doesn't. He still contends that it's not a birthday without presents and apparently he's not going to let that go until the day he croaks. This puts me in a real bad situation; I'm under pressure to come up with ideas when there is absolutely no dispute between my heart and my head that the best thing that would happen is for me to get nothing at all.
It is not helping that I'm not looking forward to said birthday, either...I feel a smidge closer to better than I was a year ago, but not enough to convince me that I haven't wasted another 12 months of my life...(sigh).
I wish I hadn't taken so long to try the path I'm on now. I wish I didn't have all the issues that I have. I wish...
...
...that everything was different now. :(
So, I know I really don't want anything -- especially the Kindle -- for my birthday because I'm feeling so fragile; a lot of my taking recently has been very private because of its sensitive nature and complicating things with...anything right now is just a really bad idea. I still have stuff from last Christmas that is still in its shrink wrap, the fear is that bad of abuse.
My mother gets that...but my dad doesn't. He still contends that it's not a birthday without presents and apparently he's not going to let that go until the day he croaks. This puts me in a real bad situation; I'm under pressure to come up with ideas when there is absolutely no dispute between my heart and my head that the best thing that would happen is for me to get nothing at all.
It is not helping that I'm not looking forward to said birthday, either...I feel a smidge closer to better than I was a year ago, but not enough to convince me that I haven't wasted another 12 months of my life...(sigh).
I wish I hadn't taken so long to try the path I'm on now. I wish I didn't have all the issues that I have. I wish...
...
...that everything was different now. :(
Replies
That should say most of my talking, not most of my taking, but I\'m feeling lazy about going back and editing it this evening.
Hey friend...sorry that things are so bad considering the birthday...is there any way you could let them know how much you appreciate the sentiment, but ask them to give you things you couldn\'t abuse, like food or clothes? A nice dinner out, something like that? That way they could still feel good about getting you presents, but you wouldn\'t have to worry, right? I dont\' know, just an idea as always. Wishing you peace
Here\'s an idea, if people insist on getting you something why not ask for an animal adoption from the WWF, they get to spend the money and they feel good that they got you a present, and you get a certificate and updates that isn\'t an actual \'thing\' per say....Personally I favour this one https://wwfstore.donorportal.ca/p-63-orangutan.aspx