I can kinda feel some frustration boiling over on me on the whole.
I know at this point my seroquel isn't working as it should, the one I took last night took 90 minutes to kick in, and that's too long. Yet I'm really reluctant to do much of anything about it because I get, from experience, that the meds I've been on for my depression aren't generally helping much because they only mask the issues that are causing it.
I also feel distraught because the more realizations I'm getting -- accidentally or otherwise -- the worse it's making me feel on the whole because what I thought was the limit of my problems isn't. A few days ago (this is for my most recent friend adds) I admitted to a really bad vibe I've got, based on how happy my sister's honeymoon looked, that I'd have to get married to be any happier, especially considering that the rest of my siblings are already or are expected to be married at some point. I've accepted that for me that's not right, but it really points to how little trust I have in people face-to-face.
It means that really the only means I have to truly talk, to truly express how I feel, is here, where really can't truly see anyone except in their photos. This has not been best for me because Murphy's Law has kicked in many. many times when I've really needed to talk. But since I've effectively been trained by experience to have my guard up all the time, it appears I'd rather be shot than learn to deal with people face-to-face for anything other than business purposes. It feels unreconcilable like so many other things and it just makes me want to cry...in fact it is making me cry right now.
Vent over...for now.
I know at this point my seroquel isn't working as it should, the one I took last night took 90 minutes to kick in, and that's too long. Yet I'm really reluctant to do much of anything about it because I get, from experience, that the meds I've been on for my depression aren't generally helping much because they only mask the issues that are causing it.
I also feel distraught because the more realizations I'm getting -- accidentally or otherwise -- the worse it's making me feel on the whole because what I thought was the limit of my problems isn't. A few days ago (this is for my most recent friend adds) I admitted to a really bad vibe I've got, based on how happy my sister's honeymoon looked, that I'd have to get married to be any happier, especially considering that the rest of my siblings are already or are expected to be married at some point. I've accepted that for me that's not right, but it really points to how little trust I have in people face-to-face.
It means that really the only means I have to truly talk, to truly express how I feel, is here, where really can't truly see anyone except in their photos. This has not been best for me because Murphy's Law has kicked in many. many times when I've really needed to talk. But since I've effectively been trained by experience to have my guard up all the time, it appears I'd rather be shot than learn to deal with people face-to-face for anything other than business purposes. It feels unreconcilable like so many other things and it just makes me want to cry...in fact it is making me cry right now.
Vent over...for now.
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