Today my usual laundry list of aggravations had the...ahem...moxie to wake me up at 4am, and there was no falling asleep after that (sigh). Actually, a couple of things stood out:
* So far, so good with my first summer course as far as keeping up is concerned. But it's rough. My parents want me to focus on that, which is fair enough, but they're being so lenient that I know, should my heart sink as I expect to do at some point, that it's just going to be another hiding excuse ad nauseum (and thinking about that gave me an "it" episode this morning...if you're not sure what that is, it involved a toilet. I'll take questions privately beyond that). So I'm trying to force myself to learn some time management skills, only to discover a) my confidence in them is non-existent (surprise!), and b) the memory of when I missed a stress management workshop after a sleepless night came back to bite me again (again, that's something I'd rather talk about privately).
* Registering for the fall. I'll get the number I want, but somehow I can't get an elective I want. I don't necessarily need it, but it's one that's piquing my curiosity. Yet the registration site says I don't have the prereqs, and my transcript says I do. It makes no sense, and I tried to e-mail the registrar to ask what was going on. No response yet, and considering where my trust level with people face-to-face is (very low), it's very likely that if no response comes I'll probably give up on it by default and go to a backup plan. But it's just as likely, should that happen, that the question of "why" will bug me for months as unresolved issues often do with me.
Some of this is almost certainly overreacting to be sure, but it seems for every worry that goes away, I find a new one, as if I can't live without one. It's virtually a self-inflicted ssdd from hell.
* So far, so good with my first summer course as far as keeping up is concerned. But it's rough. My parents want me to focus on that, which is fair enough, but they're being so lenient that I know, should my heart sink as I expect to do at some point, that it's just going to be another hiding excuse ad nauseum (and thinking about that gave me an "it" episode this morning...if you're not sure what that is, it involved a toilet. I'll take questions privately beyond that). So I'm trying to force myself to learn some time management skills, only to discover a) my confidence in them is non-existent (surprise!), and b) the memory of when I missed a stress management workshop after a sleepless night came back to bite me again (again, that's something I'd rather talk about privately).
* Registering for the fall. I'll get the number I want, but somehow I can't get an elective I want. I don't necessarily need it, but it's one that's piquing my curiosity. Yet the registration site says I don't have the prereqs, and my transcript says I do. It makes no sense, and I tried to e-mail the registrar to ask what was going on. No response yet, and considering where my trust level with people face-to-face is (very low), it's very likely that if no response comes I'll probably give up on it by default and go to a backup plan. But it's just as likely, should that happen, that the question of "why" will bug me for months as unresolved issues often do with me.
Some of this is almost certainly overreacting to be sure, but it seems for every worry that goes away, I find a new one, as if I can't live without one. It's virtually a self-inflicted ssdd from hell.
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