First of all, I am very sorry to anybody who was looking for me earlier in the week. Finishing up the last of my LTDs was a bugger, a pain in the (cuckoo)...and a few late nights. But they did get done.
Yesterday we had the wrap-up review before my state and local politics final, and after the class broke a little early the professor stayed back to take a few minutes for career concerns, regardless of major.
The topic of mentors came up...honestly, truly, I wish I had one. And the professor agrees that I'm probably going to need one. But the people issues seem to be acting as a stopper...I've already conceded to my ethics professor that I've basically treated my assigned study group as if having any contact with them was harmful to my health, effectively a kind of training paranoia.
What I didn't tell her is that the way I view people, which was melded 20 years ago when I had the smoke-bomb experience in high school, has been imputed so bad that even going to a counseling center, if there was one on campus (there isn't, making this point moot), isn't even a workable option.
All I have are my handful of DS friends. That's it. And it actually makes me very upset because the people who perpetrated the smoke bomb (and other acts) should be long out of my life...but in my heart, they're still there. The memory feels permanent. I just want it to go away so I can live my life.
Yesterday we had the wrap-up review before my state and local politics final, and after the class broke a little early the professor stayed back to take a few minutes for career concerns, regardless of major.
The topic of mentors came up...honestly, truly, I wish I had one. And the professor agrees that I'm probably going to need one. But the people issues seem to be acting as a stopper...I've already conceded to my ethics professor that I've basically treated my assigned study group as if having any contact with them was harmful to my health, effectively a kind of training paranoia.
What I didn't tell her is that the way I view people, which was melded 20 years ago when I had the smoke-bomb experience in high school, has been imputed so bad that even going to a counseling center, if there was one on campus (there isn't, making this point moot), isn't even a workable option.
All I have are my handful of DS friends. That's it. And it actually makes me very upset because the people who perpetrated the smoke bomb (and other acts) should be long out of my life...but in my heart, they're still there. The memory feels permanent. I just want it to go away so I can live my life.
Replies
I am sorry that you were so negatively impacted by the dreadful actions of the people that did that. Everyday that goes by, the wound should get just a little smaller, until one day, (Hopefully very soon;-) when all that remains is a scar.
Much Love And Healing To You
Hey its the idea girl :P sorry that you\'ve been dealing with all this crap...if I can ask, have you ever looked into timeline therapy? You mentioned that memory of a smoke bomb. That\'s the type of thing it works with...if I\'ve ever talked to you about the only therpay that ever had any type of results for me, that was it. It does cost, so please understand that I\'m not connected with them in ANY way lol...but it did help me a great deal with dealing with my phobie, adn especially in getting over a lot of my rage toward my father. So I thought I would pass that on. Be well, my friend :)