If anybody wants to know just how haunted I feel by my past, there's no need to look any further than this:
So, I'm supposed to be doing a moral compass project for my ethics class to help me find out what it is that I really believe in. I've been shooting blanks on this for practically the entire time, because the truth of the matter is this: Outside of DS, the only conviction that I have is that the world is out to get me (and you can argue that it already has gotten me)...nothing else has hit home.
There has been no point in getting help from my professor or even my in-class study group for exactly this reason, because in English this effectively translates to "I don't trust people, I don't even want to be around people, end of discussion." Even after journaling out most, if not all, of what has triggered this, the feeling has waned little if at all.
I'm starting to think that my guard will have to be up for the rest of my life, which as near as I can tell runs contrary to the skills I supposedly will need once I finish my degree and head back out into the world. I haven't heard of anyone being successful while being a social recluse other than the hero of the 1980s CBS series Airwolf, which everybody knows was fictional...do you?
It's like I know I need to change but at the same time realize that realistically it's probably asking too much of me...how do you reconcile that?
(as for that paper, I'm just making something up and going with it. The professor will probably never know that this project did me no good at all.)
So, I'm supposed to be doing a moral compass project for my ethics class to help me find out what it is that I really believe in. I've been shooting blanks on this for practically the entire time, because the truth of the matter is this: Outside of DS, the only conviction that I have is that the world is out to get me (and you can argue that it already has gotten me)...nothing else has hit home.
There has been no point in getting help from my professor or even my in-class study group for exactly this reason, because in English this effectively translates to "I don't trust people, I don't even want to be around people, end of discussion." Even after journaling out most, if not all, of what has triggered this, the feeling has waned little if at all.
I'm starting to think that my guard will have to be up for the rest of my life, which as near as I can tell runs contrary to the skills I supposedly will need once I finish my degree and head back out into the world. I haven't heard of anyone being successful while being a social recluse other than the hero of the 1980s CBS series Airwolf, which everybody knows was fictional...do you?
It's like I know I need to change but at the same time realize that realistically it's probably asking too much of me...how do you reconcile that?
(as for that paper, I'm just making something up and going with it. The professor will probably never know that this project did me no good at all.)
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