If something can go wrong with me, it can.
Journaling through my issues again is a dangerous beast at best, and the more questions I seem to have, the worse I'm feeling. I don't have anyone I can talk to face to face that I trust, so I'm basically chained to trying to talk it out here.
Last night I got to see why that's a horrible trade off; it was Murphy's Law at work in the extreme. The other night two of my friends here were online, but I couldn't get myself to talk. Last night I really had to talk...but nobody was online. It effectively gave me a sleepless night. I managed to message one of my friends and tell her how I felt, but I effectively passed out before she could reach me.
Now I'm effectively stuck in a position where I have to have a run on caffeine shots today, and even then there is no guarantee that I will be able to stay awake, talk my feelings out, or even be able to do anything productive.
Journaling through my issues again is a dangerous beast at best, and the more questions I seem to have, the worse I'm feeling. I don't have anyone I can talk to face to face that I trust, so I'm basically chained to trying to talk it out here.
Last night I got to see why that's a horrible trade off; it was Murphy's Law at work in the extreme. The other night two of my friends here were online, but I couldn't get myself to talk. Last night I really had to talk...but nobody was online. It effectively gave me a sleepless night. I managed to message one of my friends and tell her how I felt, but I effectively passed out before she could reach me.
Now I'm effectively stuck in a position where I have to have a run on caffeine shots today, and even then there is no guarantee that I will be able to stay awake, talk my feelings out, or even be able to do anything productive.
Replies
you are so much stronger than you let yourself be! When things start to feel too much you need to step away, outise of that moment and go for a walk or just stand outside in the fresh air. It forces you to stop thinking even if for just a little bit so you can get a grip. I\'ve found myself at 3 am standing outside against my front door just til I could collect my thoughts and refresh. Working on the issues and problems that we have too can be emotionally and physically draining, make sure your drinking plenty of water, throughout the day. Sleep is so important, but because we stress and worry about sleeping or not sleeping we add to our worries and can\'t sleep. I\'ve spent that seven years on nothing but a few hours of broken sleep...tried all the otc pills and found no relief, which is when I brought the stereo into my room and kept the music on anything that wasn\'t get up and move music. Ieven had to leave my computers media collection I\'ve created over the years on and running.. The next two wednesdays after today will be a bit of the same I\'m afraid. The night before will be when I have to get groceries and run errands so after the B12 injection when I\'m so sick, I don\'t have to be out and about, but your in my thoughts non stop, daily. You can do this, you have to for yourself, and because your tired of feeling so lost and miserable. Blessings and love
That\'s part of the convoluted mess, Amy...you say there\'s inner strength inside me, and you may well be right for all that I know...but I\'ve been in the darkness for so long that if it\'s there, I have no clue where it is. I suppose this is what happens when you keep your emotions bottled up for 20 years.
And the crash out I feared happened...there\'s only so much I can do when I don\'t sleep well, and today the morning work shift was all I could stick. The rest went down the tubes in a hurry because I couldn\'t stay awake after that...God only knows what I\'ve missed because the still-to-be-brought-up trust issues I have are so bad that I have no study buddies.