Today got off to a bad start...I had extracurricular activity in the toilet, again.  I could only really trace it to a stress episode, as has happened before.  I gamely tried to work on my studies but what little focus I had gone was gone half a chapter later.
That, for me, was basically the last straw.  I've been sick of my troubles for a while now, but now it's just running too much interference.  Enough is enough.
So I spent a sizable chunk of the afternoon live chatting with one of my friends here (you know who you are).  We talked about a lot, but it really wasn't long before we started focusing on when I truly started to feel bad...the smoke bombing incident in high school and the later one that involved people stomping on balloons.  The chat must have lasted something like an hour and a half before my browser suddenly decided it didn't want to cooperate any more.
But eventually, this had to happen.  For things to get any better, I will, eventually, have to come to terms with these things.  It really does matter, because all the meds in the world are of no use to me if the core problems are still there.
One of the things I was left with to work on was to make a list of all the questions I had that I was left with from those dreadful incidents.  There are probably more than I think.  But it will give me something else to do over the weekend.