This morning I had a bad scare, from a relapse standpoint. Sometimes it's not good to know when something's coming out.
The incident in question involves pinball. It's safe to say I miss playing it. Last night I played one round of one of the Pinball Dreams tables (Steel Wheel) on my iPod Touch. I'm horrible at the game usually, but I like it anyway.
So, today a pinball title came out in the eShop (it's basically a variation on downloadable content) for the 3DS I got at Christmas. Actually, it's not just any pinball title, this happens to be Zen Pinball, which has been critically acclaimed on pretty much every platform it's landed on from my understanding.
Now, I'm still taking baby steps with regards to how I can unwind at night, so just the thought of that created a dangerous situation. I call it an "I want" moment, when I've had a tendency to just be weak and fall on anything that I think might even have a remote chance to help me feel better. This is, in its own way, another reason why my puzzle addiction episode got as bad as it did: I was just so weak inside that I would bite on these moments, many, many times.
Fortunately I had things I needed to do...and some time to think. You can get addicted to anything if you're not careful, and I don't want that feeling again. Plus, snapping up the extra tables would only create another crutch, as one of my friends so accurately put it. And crutches, while they give me something to lean on, are a double-edged sword; they get in the way of what really needs to be done.
It wasn't until I sat down after a laundry switch and re-read more material for my certification exam (2 chapters today), that the temptation went away. Today my defenses held up...but I can't help but wonder what will happen if I have a day when I'm feeling so far down that I just want to hide.
Overall, it's a little better, but deep inside, I worry. Putting my life back together does involve baby steps -- there is no other way, really -- but at the same time it doesn't feel like it will take much to destroy the itty bitty baby steps I've made so far.
The incident in question involves pinball. It's safe to say I miss playing it. Last night I played one round of one of the Pinball Dreams tables (Steel Wheel) on my iPod Touch. I'm horrible at the game usually, but I like it anyway.
So, today a pinball title came out in the eShop (it's basically a variation on downloadable content) for the 3DS I got at Christmas. Actually, it's not just any pinball title, this happens to be Zen Pinball, which has been critically acclaimed on pretty much every platform it's landed on from my understanding.
Now, I'm still taking baby steps with regards to how I can unwind at night, so just the thought of that created a dangerous situation. I call it an "I want" moment, when I've had a tendency to just be weak and fall on anything that I think might even have a remote chance to help me feel better. This is, in its own way, another reason why my puzzle addiction episode got as bad as it did: I was just so weak inside that I would bite on these moments, many, many times.
Fortunately I had things I needed to do...and some time to think. You can get addicted to anything if you're not careful, and I don't want that feeling again. Plus, snapping up the extra tables would only create another crutch, as one of my friends so accurately put it. And crutches, while they give me something to lean on, are a double-edged sword; they get in the way of what really needs to be done.
It wasn't until I sat down after a laundry switch and re-read more material for my certification exam (2 chapters today), that the temptation went away. Today my defenses held up...but I can't help but wonder what will happen if I have a day when I'm feeling so far down that I just want to hide.
Overall, it's a little better, but deep inside, I worry. Putting my life back together does involve baby steps -- there is no other way, really -- but at the same time it doesn't feel like it will take much to destroy the itty bitty baby steps I've made so far.
Replies
Sorry that you\'re still struggling so much...but totally AWESOME to hear that you were able to resist after switching up the laundry! I think that\'s a big step. I probably said this before, but have you ever tried getting up and taking a walk when the urges to game get too strong? That way, you literally couldn\'t play; leave it at home, you know? Sorry if I did say this alrady lol...but I do think you\'re making awesome baby-step progress :D