This afternoon I assisted my mother with getting some of her Christmas lights (or holiday lights if that's what you prefer to call them) up on the porches of my house.  Mine isn't one of those crazy places that's lit up to the nines, but it's not like there's exactly a dearth of lights either.
She loves putting her lights up.  And I have no problem with helping her do so.  But I just can't seem to get any joy out of the season.  This isn't new -- I'm usually very much sick of it by this time for various reasons including how early it gets pushed -- but this year, it feels especially bad...like I just want to be under a rock until January 2nd.
I'm finishing my research paper this week, and next week is finals, which I guess will help some, but ugh...this is supposed to be a happy season, and I just don't feel it.  Probably because so much has gone wrong the last four months...some of my grades (and I know where I stand) aren't going to tell the story of how heavy the emotional price is that I've paid for a complete failure to learn how to stabilize.  Even with an idea of how to function, I just can't solve how to work around what feels like a thousand quirks.