So yesterday I went to the doctor's office in light of my latest meltdown...it's pretty clear that there will only be more where that came from because I'm not finding any answers to my myriad of issues.  But at the same time, my mother agrees with me that counseling won't work because my trust issues will get in the way of any meaningful progress on that route.
That leaves only one option, really: I'm getting drugged up.
Specifically, it's 100mg Seroquel.  Heaven knows how long I'm going to be on it.  It isn't even something I was exactly looking forward to.  But what else am I going to do?  The fiasco with the fire alarm last week counts as a suicidal thought, and I hadn't had those since high school.  And it's equally clear that I don't anything anymore, partly because of what I'm going through, but also partly because I have no answers for previous addiction issues that actually have a chance of working.
Meanwhile, the week for the most part has ended up a total loss.  I made it to all of my classes and found out that one of my finals has to be changed to a take home (to be e-mailed) because my legal research and writing professor is having hip surgery on the 19th (I do feel bad for her).
The Seroquel at least helped me sleep last night, but otherwise...ugh.  I wish I had answers.