Here we go again
Long weekends and me have never gotten along well...this one has been no exception (for my friends outside the US: Monday is Memorial Day, a national holiday, when pretty much everything that isn't a straight retail store is closed. Its purpose is to remember armed forces members who have been killed in action, although I have some doubts about how many people actually observe that aspect.)
Yesterday ended up being a prime Exhibit A of why my self-control issues are a major problem. My dad had a couple of projects in mind...but couldn't use me because the space was simply too tight. On the surface it was just as well, because I woke up feeling very aggravated...and has often been my nature I needed to take it out on something. So my parents ended up being the target of an unnecessary tongue-lashing.
I tried going out for a walk because I thought that would help. No dice. So except for entertaining company that night, I had to basically lock myself in my room.
Now, it's not like I haven't been down this road before. I know darned well that I've talked about this with others here. But when the came time to try to take the edge off...I couldn't. I had the feeling of wanting to drown my sorrows in whatever it was I chose (again), and I really don't want to be in that unrestrained mode. But the thought pattern felt like an unstoppable freight train...I can't explain why.
But since I did nothing, I got the rather deserving penalty: Since I was still basically charged up to a scale of eleven, I got zero sleep last night...period. So this morning I had to log that on my mood chart (which wasn't fun), and since I'm not rested this morning...well, I think you can figure out what's likely to happen now. It's basically a new cycle that's started.
Like my worries about what to do with my college algebra course in the fall that I talked about earlier this month, this is ridiculous. The proverbial walls that are blocking me in are that high, apparently. Of course, maybe I deserve this...it only took me the better part of 18 years to bring myself to reach out to anyone...(sigh) (insert sarcastic comment here)
Yesterday ended up being a prime Exhibit A of why my self-control issues are a major problem. My dad had a couple of projects in mind...but couldn't use me because the space was simply too tight. On the surface it was just as well, because I woke up feeling very aggravated...and has often been my nature I needed to take it out on something. So my parents ended up being the target of an unnecessary tongue-lashing.
I tried going out for a walk because I thought that would help. No dice. So except for entertaining company that night, I had to basically lock myself in my room.
Now, it's not like I haven't been down this road before. I know darned well that I've talked about this with others here. But when the came time to try to take the edge off...I couldn't. I had the feeling of wanting to drown my sorrows in whatever it was I chose (again), and I really don't want to be in that unrestrained mode. But the thought pattern felt like an unstoppable freight train...I can't explain why.
But since I did nothing, I got the rather deserving penalty: Since I was still basically charged up to a scale of eleven, I got zero sleep last night...period. So this morning I had to log that on my mood chart (which wasn't fun), and since I'm not rested this morning...well, I think you can figure out what's likely to happen now. It's basically a new cycle that's started.
Like my worries about what to do with my college algebra course in the fall that I talked about earlier this month, this is ridiculous. The proverbial walls that are blocking me in are that high, apparently. Of course, maybe I deserve this...it only took me the better part of 18 years to bring myself to reach out to anyone...(sigh) (insert sarcastic comment here)
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