Here we go again
Long weekends and me have never gotten along well...this one has been no exception (for my friends outside the US: Monday is Memorial Day, a national holiday, when pretty much everything that isn't a straight retail store is closed. Its purpose is to remember armed forces members who have been killed in action, although I have some doubts about how many people actually observe that aspect.)
Yesterday ended up being a prime Exhibit A of why my self-control issues are a major problem. My dad had a couple of projects in mind...but couldn't use me because the space was simply too tight. On the surface it was just as well, because I woke up feeling very aggravated...and has often been my nature I needed to take it out on something. So my parents ended up being the target of an unnecessary tongue-lashing.
I tried going out for a walk because I thought that would help. No dice. So except for entertaining company that night, I had to basically lock myself in my room.
Now, it's not like I haven't been down this road before. I know darned well that I've talked about this with others here. But when the came time to try to take the edge off...I couldn't. I had the feeling of wanting to drown my sorrows in whatever it was I chose (again), and I really don't want to be in that unrestrained mode. But the thought pattern felt like an unstoppable freight train...I can't explain why.
But since I did nothing, I got the rather deserving penalty: Since I was still basically charged up to a scale of eleven, I got zero sleep last night...period. So this morning I had to log that on my mood chart (which wasn't fun), and since I'm not rested this morning...well, I think you can figure out what's likely to happen now. It's basically a new cycle that's started.
Like my worries about what to do with my college algebra course in the fall that I talked about earlier this month, this is ridiculous. The proverbial walls that are blocking me in are that high, apparently. Of course, maybe I deserve this...it only took me the better part of 18 years to bring myself to reach out to anyone...(sigh) (insert sarcastic comment here)
Yesterday ended up being a prime Exhibit A of why my self-control issues are a major problem. My dad had a couple of projects in mind...but couldn't use me because the space was simply too tight. On the surface it was just as well, because I woke up feeling very aggravated...and has often been my nature I needed to take it out on something. So my parents ended up being the target of an unnecessary tongue-lashing.
I tried going out for a walk because I thought that would help. No dice. So except for entertaining company that night, I had to basically lock myself in my room.
Now, it's not like I haven't been down this road before. I know darned well that I've talked about this with others here. But when the came time to try to take the edge off...I couldn't. I had the feeling of wanting to drown my sorrows in whatever it was I chose (again), and I really don't want to be in that unrestrained mode. But the thought pattern felt like an unstoppable freight train...I can't explain why.
But since I did nothing, I got the rather deserving penalty: Since I was still basically charged up to a scale of eleven, I got zero sleep last night...period. So this morning I had to log that on my mood chart (which wasn't fun), and since I'm not rested this morning...well, I think you can figure out what's likely to happen now. It's basically a new cycle that's started.
Like my worries about what to do with my college algebra course in the fall that I talked about earlier this month, this is ridiculous. The proverbial walls that are blocking me in are that high, apparently. Of course, maybe I deserve this...it only took me the better part of 18 years to bring myself to reach out to anyone...(sigh) (insert sarcastic comment here)
Replies
GIVE YOURSELF MORE CREDIT! you\'re aloud to have bad days and the difference between the good and the bad is that you can recognize when you\'re in that cycle. i sympathize with you on the sleep aspect because its a bitch having it. I get the same thing.
As for school I can understand your discouragement. its tough to get the motivation to get through it,Take it one step at a time and allow yourself to have setback and shortcomings. NOBODY is perfect. Things will work out for you. NO you do not deserve to have anything not work out for you because of anxiety,
Keep it up man, things will eventually get better:)