Why is there always a "power' struggle as to who has the upper hand? the money. the life. the friends. the wit. I hate how competitive it feels. I stay strong strong strong all week when I talk to him and then behind I closed doors I cry cry cry. I just want to let go of the resentment and hate I have towards him. This is my choice he says, but his actions have given me NO CHOICE. He has ruined me financially and emotionally, hit me, kicked me, and has had inappropriate incident with my baby grabbing at him! Why do I still feel affected by him? Because I choose him as my husband and waited until I was 32 to marry and he turns out to be a total IDIOT. Well at least I have my beautiful daughter and have had a HARD life lesson, BASICALLY THERE are no guarentees for anything. I just read another woman's story on here that lost BOTH of her sons in different auto accidents within like 6 months of each other. I then cried and counted my blessings. THANK YOU GOD FOR MY BABY GIRL. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her. She is my love and my life and hopefully I can share our lives with someone else, but I have to get through this year first.
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an abuser is a controller and will struggle for control of everything. and it is HIS choice -- he chose not treat you or your baby girl with love, care or respect --- basic human rights that we all have a right to expect and demand. we all make bad choices -- i have an ex that is controlling but fortunately i got out before he physically abused me or we had any children -- and i didnt marry until i was 28 --- so one would think i would have been smarter by then. divorce sucks even when it is necessary ---proud that you are drawing a line and saying enough is enough --- with the best interests of you and your baby girl. everytime i interacted with my soon-to-be ex or ex and he showed how much of a jerk he was-- i just called it a \"confirming moment\" of why i divorced. pity him for he is losing the best 2 things that ever happened to him and may never come to that realization. hang in there--it will end -- and dont be so hard on yourself. love your baby girl and love yourself and rest in knowing you are doing the RIGHT thing for you both --- take care, cat
You\'ve listed more than enough adequate reasons why you are much better off without this weiner! Find strength in your little girl and for your little girl. You two both deserve alot better and you will find that together you are both already better off. Dealing with the stbx will get easier in time, just have to be patient. Take care and best wishes!
In time you will not let him bother you so much. I have to remind myself that in time I will eventually heal.
I hope you are not questioning your own actions. You did the right thing. There is no excuse for physical (or mental) abuse and especially for bringing young kids into it. You are protecting yourself and your daughter by doing this. Stay strong and let yourself understand that your relationship with your friends will change over this but don\'t worry about it. If you have friends that choose to be on his side you have to ask yourself if it is really worth maintaining that friendship.
You sound like a very responsible and good person. Your daughter needs that more than anything. Things will get better for you and I think you have the strength to make it better. You are at the low point now and if you need to chat or need support please do not hesitate to let me know. I\'ll keep you in my prayers and thoughts.
OH my god, he laid his hands on you. I am so angry at that. You never ever hit a woman. My Uncles may not be the most, shall we say, upstanding business men in Chicago, but they and my father taught me you never hit a woman. For any reason. That is not being a man.
Do not question your actions in reguards to getting rid of him. Controllers are people who want to make you feel like it is all your fault. If he wants a competition, the best way to stop it is just tell him, \"Hey, I know you need to be on top and control things, so you win.\" That in no way means your giving in or surrendering, It just means your not playing a childs game of, \"One Up\" with him. It means you understand his need to control, or think he can control, and in fact when you let go and say, \"Hey Im not going to compete with you, you win.\" You take away his power to control you all together, because he no longer has the control to win over you. See Ronlee, you have the upper hand already. You understand the nature of the relationship you two have today. And you understand him. He doesnt understand these things. Now that you understand how the relationship and how he works, you can control your actions to avoid the aggravation and pain he wants you to feel. Just know he is trying to get a reaction out of you. But not giving him the reaction he wants, allows you to walk away happy, mentally sound, free of stress and frustration, and guess what the best part is. He is the one upset, frustrated, and stressed out, because he will suddenly see his actions no longer control your actions.
Hold on it only gets better from here.
All my love Ken.
Suffice it to say, if I hadn\'t gotten involved with my STBX, my finances would be better. We have to forgive ourselves for these mistakes. When we made the decision to marry them, I don\'t think we were thinking clearly for whatever reason.
I do know what it means to be competitive. I would like to come out on top, but I think that makes me lose focus on what is really important, me and what I need and want. I am still learning.
If anything fruitful came out of my relationship with my STBX, I have yet to figure it out completely. I am glad you have your daughter. Sometimes through suffering we learn way more than through the happy times. We just have to figure out what we are learning.
We do have to forgive ourselves for the mistakes. I think if we learn from all this than it hasnt been all bad. There are no guarantees for anything in life so love your daughter with all your heart and live like theres no tomorrow.