depression

I dont know anymore. I feel like I'm betraying her, but in the same sense she has turned my whole life upside down. I seen her today and I literally felt nothing, no remorse, no anger, no regret, no love. I dont miss her any more, I dont want to be around her unless things can be the way they used to be. I lost the person that I loved the most for now, and I dont know if I'll ever get her back, and what scares me is that I dont know if I want her back. Im going to try not to cut to relax, but its better than drinking it away. Hell its 4/20 I might as well smoke it away. It makes me sad that we've came to this....