misc

ive lost all my avenues of support .  when your happy making freinds is easy. when your not nobody will be there.
ive taken my gf ex wife and therapist off my freinds list they got tired of hearing me. im not sure if anyone reads these anymore but at least people wont be able to say i dont know what happened because it will be right here. 
now my only worry is the afterlife . im at work and i could walk into a tank full of co2  but i dont want to be stuck alone in a tank forever. i think somewhere were lots of ghosts supposedly are might work out. whatever is out there its got to be better than how i feel now. we all die anyway and i might as well chose when. if the christians are right id goto hell  but looking back on my life according to the bible im going there anyway so that doesnt matter.
my family already suspects it so there ready. my gf is already looking into leaving so no issue there . my ex wife doesnt care so shes ok. my ex gf has been very nice but when she decides not to talk with me anymore i think that would be the best time. 
im just so tired i see no point in going on. if one does not get anything out of life why should we go on.