"friends"

I gotta vent. I just talked to my friend C on the phone. What a fucking selfish snobby bitch she is. It carries from slight to horriblE- but there's always an air of "I'm better than you" about her. I feel like she's only that way with me. I've seen the way she acts with everyone else- not that way. I don't know what it is about me that bothers me but I have a theory. This is hard for me to even say bc the thought of someone being jealous of me is fucking crazy to me- but the bitch has to be jealous. She disagrees with EVERYTHING I say in some way shape or form. Once again- it varies from slight to horrible- but its constant. She's just so fucking self centered. And she brags ALL the time. Like ALL the fucking time. She's so fucking concerned about being the prettiest and the smartest and making sure everyone around her knows how fucking brilliant she is and its fucking awful and draining and I swear I catch the brunt of it. Do you have any idea how many times she says "what are you gonna do" when I'm talking about my life? When I'm talking about MY LIFE!!!! She is so unbelievably dismissive to me its incredible. I love her like family but I swear to god- I don't fucking like her at all. And she damn sure doesn't like me- the fake ass bitch. I wish she's just grow a set of balls and say it. Then again that sparks of hypocrisy bc I could grow a set and say it to her but I don't. But its not my fault dammit its hers.

I don't know what I'm gonna do about this- wait- yes I do- I'm not gonna talk to her for a few days and try to talk to people who enjoy my company and presence so I can feel like a fun person to be around again. Everytime we hang up I have this feeling of "what's wrong with me." There is NEVER a reason to hang out with anyone who makes you feel that way. I'm worth more than that. I deserve good things. I'm a good person. A lot of people like me.

God man I just can't shake this anger. And I say nothing to her. Bc its so slight that I would sound crazy if I said anything. I really fucking hate and resEnt her most of the time. She's a snob and a bitch and she hurts people. She's so much like the way my ma used to be and still is at times. Fuck her man. Something has to change. Maybe I'll just tell her. By being silent I'm lying to protect her. I can't take it anymore. It eats at me. I just don't deserve it.