Depression
Last night i did a bad thing- I stayed up watching 9/11 videos and some of them were intense. I also listened to a scary video and I just couldn't get those images out of my head. I wanted to wake up at 7:15 am to get to my bipolar support group but when my alarm went off I felt like crap and went back to sleep. If I am planning on getting a job in the future I need to be able to control my sleep. I can't sleep at night and I'm tired all day. I'm doing the Master Student book so I know how to study better for when I go back to school. I need to take a bunch of biology classes to bring up my GPA. I'm at a 2.8 and they want at least a 3.0 to be considered for admission. That, and the GRE. Geo's stepmom took the GRE and got into a good college and she gave me her books to study. I'm not quite ready for it, but I can work on it. I am going to call my boss on Monday and see if she needs any help next week. I am going to Chicago in a month to meet Ayla in person and I'm excited! There is a class I wanted to go to so I could get a peer review license, but 1. I'm not ready for such intensive training, 2. It means carpooling with Liz and Geo is wary of that (and I am too), and 3, I would have to wake up around 6 am. So I'm not going to go. It's a great opportunity, but just not for me right now. I'm also upset at my weight. I have been working hard and I'm gaining again. I don't get it. I'm trying to stay under 100-150g of carbs a day and it was working, but it's stalled for me. It was so embarrassed the other day when Geo pulled something out of the closet and said "You should wear these more often.. they are pietty. I look at it and I ask "Is that a shirt?" and he says "No, it's your underwear". EEK! My undies are so big I thought it was a shirt. That and my weight today means I'm going to try my best to lose weight. it's totally unacceptable and embarrassing. *sigh* I have a long way to go, but I will get there.
Replies
Seems like the \'shirt\' is your AHH HAA moment! I recall mine and at that point I went on to lose 60 pounds and have maintained for several years. You can do it if you want it bad enough!
I somehow missed this journal and I am sorry. I cant watch those pictures and videos either, they are still etched in my mind anyways. those things bother you and I think you should stay away from them and then you can work on your sleep pattern and not feel so depressed. you are making the right decisions and know your pace in what you are doing, great job. that must of been so embarrassing for you about your undies, I have had moments like that and it made me feel sick. however this can be turned around and work to your benefit. are you still involved with spark people? try talking to them and see if you need to change the diet as this has stalled. you fight hard everyday, are you still waling with geo? the weight didn\'t come on overnight and wont go away that way, it stinks but I know you can do it. maybe keep a food journal of everything you eat during the day, you may find you are eating more then you thought or you may not be eating enough. hugs and PM me, I will call later
are you good at biology or can you take ANY classes to bring it up?
also, some schools have alternate routes for people who don\'t test well or with borderline gpa\'s. like pace law school or nova law school, they have a route where you take classes there for the summer and if you get a c or better you can stay in the law school even though you didn\'t get in the traditional way.
our activities director at our college said he got into his masters program by \"begging\" and he laughs. he says he begged them. his scores and grades weren\'t proper but he reallllly wanted to go in so its done probationary. he says he did great, better than undergrad grades.
just ideas. xxoo
I would take bio classes since that\'s my major. I would also take psych classes as well, but I need to raise my core GPA (just my Bio classes). I have a lot of time on my hands, so it would be nice to use my past knowledge.
It is hard to watch those videos of 9/11 . It was very chaotic around here after it happened. I try not to watch anything about 9/11.
I m glad to hear you are trying to get your grades up. you really don\'t have that much to pull them up so you should be proud. When you put your mind to it you\'ll accomplish it. I have faith in you. Just take your time and figure out your sleep pattern. Once , that is in order nothing will hold you back. :)