Anxiety
I've been getting anxiety attacks lately... that's why I've been freaking out. I haven't had an anxiety attack in so long that it took me a couple days to figure out that's what was causing my freak outs. I saw Dr. Miller today and he gave me more klonopin to take when I get them. I don't want to take meds for it, though, if I can suffer through them. I don't know how frequent they are going to be. I've been getting them off and on for the past couple of days. I don't know what causes them... I haven't been able to figure out a trigger. I was sitting at work the other day and I got an anxiety attack and I don't know why. I can understand getting them before I go to work, since I don't want to go in, but I don't know why I would get them at work when I'm already there and the hard part is done. For me getting to work is the hard part. Getting out of bed, showering and dressing is hard. I don't know why. It just takes me a lot of effort to do that.
I guess now that I know that I'm getting anxiety attacks now I can deal with them. I can take a klonopin if I need to, or just breathe right and try to calm down. I don't want to use medication to deal with it, but I guess I have to if I have to. I do carry klonopin with me all the time just in case I do get an anxiety attack, but I haven't used it in forever. I think I'm going to try and go to work tomorrow just to see if I can. I also need to go to the government center and get my bus pass renewed. I don't know when I'm going to do that, but I have to do it before the end of the month. That's when it expires. Geo needs to get his done too, but he needs his letter from SSI first before he can get his renewed. I got my letter a while back, and so I'm ready to get mine. Here in Miami you get a free bus pass if you are on Social Security. You just have to show them a letter once a year to prove you are still on it to get the bus pass. Sounds good to me!
I've been thinking a lot about getting a job. I don't know if I should try or not. I want to work, and I know I could use the income, but I don't know if it's such a smart idea. I was doing good at the end of last year, but this year has been hard on me. I can't seem to keep going into work on a consistent basis. Plus, adding in the anxiety, it's not been good. I don't know what I should do. I guess I should talk to Geo about it to see what he thinks... he knows me better than I know myself. I don't pay a lot of attention to myself, that's why. I'm too lost in my emotions and craziness that passes for life for me to really be able to see what's going on. I should be getting better sometime soon, but I don't know for sure. It's rare, I think, for me to be like this in April, but I don't know for sure. All I know is that I want to get better soon so I can start living again.
Mood today was okay... nothing special. I walked to work, went to the gym, came home and cooked dinner. Food today was good... I'm almost at my calorie range, and in range for my nutrients as well. I had rice for breakfast, a whole wheat mini bagel with peanut butter for lunch, and chicken with spaghetti for dinner. I had trouble falling asleep last night... I didn't fall asleep until after midnight. I slept until a bit after noon, and got out of bed at 1pm. So I got 12 hours of sleep. I'm dealing with the anxiety the best I can... I did manage to work a bit today at the information desk while I waited for Geo's pills to be ready. It took them an hour and a half for some unknown reason. It normally takes them half that time. Oh well, it was more time for me to spend with the girl who works there. I helped her out with a bit of translation. Okay, well, I'm brain dead now, so I'm just going to end this and try and sleep!
I guess now that I know that I'm getting anxiety attacks now I can deal with them. I can take a klonopin if I need to, or just breathe right and try to calm down. I don't want to use medication to deal with it, but I guess I have to if I have to. I do carry klonopin with me all the time just in case I do get an anxiety attack, but I haven't used it in forever. I think I'm going to try and go to work tomorrow just to see if I can. I also need to go to the government center and get my bus pass renewed. I don't know when I'm going to do that, but I have to do it before the end of the month. That's when it expires. Geo needs to get his done too, but he needs his letter from SSI first before he can get his renewed. I got my letter a while back, and so I'm ready to get mine. Here in Miami you get a free bus pass if you are on Social Security. You just have to show them a letter once a year to prove you are still on it to get the bus pass. Sounds good to me!
I've been thinking a lot about getting a job. I don't know if I should try or not. I want to work, and I know I could use the income, but I don't know if it's such a smart idea. I was doing good at the end of last year, but this year has been hard on me. I can't seem to keep going into work on a consistent basis. Plus, adding in the anxiety, it's not been good. I don't know what I should do. I guess I should talk to Geo about it to see what he thinks... he knows me better than I know myself. I don't pay a lot of attention to myself, that's why. I'm too lost in my emotions and craziness that passes for life for me to really be able to see what's going on. I should be getting better sometime soon, but I don't know for sure. It's rare, I think, for me to be like this in April, but I don't know for sure. All I know is that I want to get better soon so I can start living again.
Mood today was okay... nothing special. I walked to work, went to the gym, came home and cooked dinner. Food today was good... I'm almost at my calorie range, and in range for my nutrients as well. I had rice for breakfast, a whole wheat mini bagel with peanut butter for lunch, and chicken with spaghetti for dinner. I had trouble falling asleep last night... I didn't fall asleep until after midnight. I slept until a bit after noon, and got out of bed at 1pm. So I got 12 hours of sleep. I'm dealing with the anxiety the best I can... I did manage to work a bit today at the information desk while I waited for Geo's pills to be ready. It took them an hour and a half for some unknown reason. It normally takes them half that time. Oh well, it was more time for me to spend with the girl who works there. I helped her out with a bit of translation. Okay, well, I'm brain dead now, so I'm just going to end this and try and sleep!
Replies
the first thing that struck me was reading if you can suffer through them. larissa, as you know, anxiexty can be debilating and why in the world do you want to suffer through it, when you can take the klonopin and let it help you? i know you dont want to be taking meds, but sometimes we need to, you may need to take the klonopin for a bit to get the anxiety under control, it doesnt have to be a lifetime. i have come to terms with the fact that i likely will be taking meds for a long time, maybe the rest of my life, i dont like paying all the money, but i couldnt live \"normally\" without them. dont take this as me being angry, i am concerned for you. as far as a paying job, personally i dont think right now is the best time. as you said, last year you were going in consistengly,opps sp, and this year has been a struggle for you. i think waiting till you get back on track with the volunteer work and not feel overwhelmed, that that may be the time, remeber volunteer work is invaluable, people depend on people like you, though of course money is very important too. the bus pass is great, thats a huge savings right there! have a good da, with hopes that your anxietxy is better today.
I get panic attacks too and am on klonopin. I love that drug because it helps within about 20 minutes for me. You might also try some yoga. Don\'t try to figure out why you get them, that might just get you more anxious.
I like how you get a free bus pass - very nice.
I don\'t think you should get a job now. You are hardly able to make it to the job you have now because you are in so much pain. You still struggle with your right amount of meds and you need so much sleep it almost seems impossible to work. Give yourself time to heal, Larissa.
Hope you have a good day.
I have the same attitude on taking meds. but sometimes they are necessary to quality of life. Klonopin is something you would take as needed so you might consider giving it a try and see how it works for the panic attacks.
Wow free bus passes - that is a great gift and it sure helps the pocketbook.