HEY FRIENDS, I have been out of sorts last couple of days, actually just reading all of the pain other people are going through with me on this site comforts me. The past couple of days all I can vision is my son laying on that silver table with his eyes half open, and dirt all over him but at peace. And just wondering what his last thought was. I feel it was that he was going to be in trouble.... so when I finally got to hold him that is the first thing I said, your not in trouble baby moma's here. I try to block all of this out, but it is so hard.... Any suggestions on not thinking of this or will I just always until I get Alzheimers.... I lost my Mom 1989, he was born in 1990 so she never new him, but she does now!!!! Her birthday is Feb. 16.... I think this has been a trigger for my thoughts lately. I want to go sit at the cemetary with them for a while but it has been so cold. Well I just had to get that off of my chest, don't mean to hurt anyone... Thanks for listening... Love you all!!!!
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The pain you feel must be so intense...I just have no idea how bad. Sorry is such a little word...for one who usually has alot to say, I am at a loss for words...I so wish I could hug you for real, and let you cry on my shoulder...you could use a good hug, I can tell. Go to your husband, ask him to hug you real tight and long, and know that this one is on me!!! Love you, Kat
I think everyone of us has that similar thought from time to time. My son laid lifeless in a hospital bed as I held his hand and prayed my heart out. I did pray that Gods will be done and that I would except Gods wishes even if he chose to take my son home with him I often think is my son mad at me because I didn;t push the doctors enough for the past three years about the pains he felt in his head and right arm and right leg. See my sons hockey accident was a hockey puck stuck him in the chest and it dislodged a clot of blood from a tumor he had in his hear and it went to his brain and cause a stroke. This tumor is what was causing his migraines for three plus years. I have so many if onlys and what if I\'s going through my head it triggers panic attacks. I haven\'t had as many lately because I started focusing on how well my son really knew me. He knew I loved him and he knew I also did for him what he need me to do. He knew he could count on me. He was ever so proud of me. So much so that in his future plans he was going to emulate and follow in my foot steps. When I consider how well he knew me and trusted me. I have been able to come to the conclusion he is not mad at me at all. I also believe that a person can hear you when they are unconscious and in a coma. I know he knew I was their telling him I love him and that I was praying for him. In your case I believe your son knew you well enough to know that he wasn\'t in trouble and that no matter what happend to him you would be by his side. Think of the times you have helped you son through a tough time in his life. Think of the response you got from him when you made his day. If his response was an overwhelming grateful and joyful one. Then use that to ease your mind every time you are struggling with upsetting thoughts of his passing. you\'ll be in my thougts WLC.
omg sweetie i\'m so sorry. i still think of baby michael every single day and its been two years. i miss him every single day of my life. time does not heal the pain, it only eases it a little. thinking of you.
big hugs
my heart goes out 2 you.i lost my elder son six weeks ago.im totally lost.