Body
Well, something's eating at me tonight. I'm only able to sleep about an hour every other night. When I do I have the same dream. I'm hurting someone. It's like I'm a zombie within my skin and I see them crying. When I wake up, my hearts beating fast. In the dreams, they are always people I know. I'm frustrated. I'm scared.
Journey to get back to my center self but I'm scared because I'm fighting alone physically. If I fall, if someone beats me, if someone wants to hurt me, I have no one who will say "lets go for a walk together and speak truth". This is so hard to reach out sometimes, and ever since my ex love told me I cry too much, I get pissed at myself when I actually do cry now.
Being a woman or man is based of loving yourself and being strong (not perfect). It's what you feel about yourself. I have to wonder why people would rather strike me, kick me when I'm down, purposly try to destroy my happiness, rather than fight FOR me and WITH me? It fills me with shame. Like I'm not good enough. I'm worth someone fighting for me just as hard as I do them, so why then do I always get kicked back in the dark? I can't deal, I've had enough of this pain. FIGHT FOR ME DAMN IT!
I did not ask to have mental disabilities. I did not ask for the past that I have. I have a dark side that's always going to be there, and I need to learn to control and treat. I don't deserve it either. The world owes me nothing, I don't owe me nothing. BUT I deserve love within my own skin. I was looking and running over the curves and imperfections of my skin in the dark tonight. I didn't like the amount of scares I could feel. Scars are a twisted thing. They mean you have survived something, but it also fills you with sarrow because you had to deal with something to get them. I wish I could wear a skirt. I have scares all over my legs from flea bites, and they make me insecure. My outter apperance makes me uncomfortable. I'm searhing inside out trying to find this beautiful woman in me. Trying to stay positive but it's so hard when you walk this path alone.
Journey to get back to my center self but I'm scared because I'm fighting alone physically. If I fall, if someone beats me, if someone wants to hurt me, I have no one who will say "lets go for a walk together and speak truth". This is so hard to reach out sometimes, and ever since my ex love told me I cry too much, I get pissed at myself when I actually do cry now.
Being a woman or man is based of loving yourself and being strong (not perfect). It's what you feel about yourself. I have to wonder why people would rather strike me, kick me when I'm down, purposly try to destroy my happiness, rather than fight FOR me and WITH me? It fills me with shame. Like I'm not good enough. I'm worth someone fighting for me just as hard as I do them, so why then do I always get kicked back in the dark? I can't deal, I've had enough of this pain. FIGHT FOR ME DAMN IT!
I did not ask to have mental disabilities. I did not ask for the past that I have. I have a dark side that's always going to be there, and I need to learn to control and treat. I don't deserve it either. The world owes me nothing, I don't owe me nothing. BUT I deserve love within my own skin. I was looking and running over the curves and imperfections of my skin in the dark tonight. I didn't like the amount of scares I could feel. Scars are a twisted thing. They mean you have survived something, but it also fills you with sarrow because you had to deal with something to get them. I wish I could wear a skirt. I have scares all over my legs from flea bites, and they make me insecure. My outter apperance makes me uncomfortable. I'm searhing inside out trying to find this beautiful woman in me. Trying to stay positive but it's so hard when you walk this path alone.
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