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Damn! It has been how many months since the "breakup" and I still harvest alot of anger and hurt. I have a feeling his family is throwing away the letters I have sent. There is and always has been someone tampering. You know, as I sit and wonder about the last words that came after my hopeless action, it drives me to anwsers and new question. I love and care about the punk dearly but thats where it causes me trouble. I see his back turned. Ok, I slit my throat. Stupid action, desprate to just end suffering of so much shit that no one ever WANTS to see. People see me suffer and I know they do, I ask for help in my own way and get pushed down all the time because people dont WANT to "deal" with it. Instead of helping me though. he left me to die, said I was I nutz and needed help... I didn't reply. Hince, I had a slit throat with panic and misery. That's what proves he never gave two shits. It was all a lie on his end and if he really cared, it wouldnt have mattered where the issues were, he would have helped me. I was asking for 2 weeks for him to help me. I was homeless. You know what he said? Get help. NO SHIT!! Thats what I was asking him for. I don't really have friends to help. I asked him to look up shelters and he called me stupid and a dumbass and everything else.. Yet wondered what would trigger a good few slits to the wrist.. Really? I did some research and I now believe he was seeking someone else while he was with me, cheating basicly. He was talking to another female. I saw it... Yet he has the damn balls to constantly accuse me of cheating while I was working 12 to 17 hour shifts at a Jail. REALLY? I barely had time to focus on me..... I'm livid, all he is doing right now is proving to me that all he wanted was to fuck, not make love or have passion, just to fuck. Plus he talks so much shit about his friends and family and all the bad things they have done.... but he seems two faced because he hates confrontation. Reguardless if I say one thing, he gets pissed and Im the devil, despite they have confessed to purposly hurting me. He didn't stick up for me or believe me and said I was just trying to keep him from his friends.... Really? then what takes the cake is when they all confessed to it I said "believe me now" and he just defended them some more saying they didnt mean anything by it.... YES... YES THEY DID.. but hurting me is aparently okay? Damn, and he wonders why I am in tears? BECAUSE YOU HURT ME CONSTANTLY... So then why stay? BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN YOU AND LOVE AND CARE!!!! Is it wrong for me to want him to defend me once in awhile? I don't care who it is. My dad struck me for standing up for him... The fuck! I thought I knew him. He lost his job and now it makes me sick. Hes become a monster in his own skin.