Damn!
I feel like I'm drowning. So much loss at one time. I've taught myself at an early age to always hold my walls high. I've always put up a tough fight like I cannot be hurt. I heard someone say that I was tough and I broke down to my kees and cried to myself. I told her, that's just not true. I'm full of sorrows and wounds that cannot heal anymore, because once you've been hurt in the same place so many times, it becomes a bother and will never heal again. I told her some stories about me and she kept asking questions. She said she had know idea, and all I could reply was that there are alot of things hidden about me. Always showing anger in fear that someone will use my low points against me. I again have not slept all night trying to sooth myself with music but every song I hear reminds me of something painful. I'm ashamed I let a guy so far in just to beat my spirit and soul down. My fear and sorrows run long and deep. He hurt me badly and I don't understand why. I always felt like I was screaming out for him to listen to me. He said I cry too much and that tore into my chest. If he would only listen and take my advice, I would have been happier. He refused to take my hand and a leap of faith. I lost sleep and still do because he's a big part of my sorrows at this very moment. He's going into/ did go into surgrey and he won't even respect me enough to tell me if he is okay? What the hell is that? I lost days and nights of sleep doing research on his health. Always scared he would just drop dead on me. It's not right. It makes me feel like someone spitting in my face, beating me up then walking away laughing. Even at my best, he wanted more. He taught me to truley hate myself when it comes to love. I will never love a man again, because after all the hurt and tourment he has put me through.... I will NEVER open myself to a man again. He can find a girl and "fuck" her however he would like, but I can tell you this much, he had a woman who loved him just for him, who tried to take care of him, who went out of my way to get to him, who lost sleep trying to figure out ways to improve his situations..... but he took me for granted and it will come back three fold.... He will be cheated on again and used and abused, because I don't believe he even knows the true meaning of love...
Love is NOT sex...
Love is NOT leaving your baby in tears down stairs while you smoke and play games upstairs when her uncle has just commited suicide...
Love is NOT leaving just because you're stressed... Come on!!!
Love doesnt run away and hide....
Love doesn't dispose of a damn good woman...
Love just doesn't abandoned period!!!
My love.... How could he leave me to die and rot?? Last time I checked... I was worth more.......... I thought I was anyway.....
Yet I'm still here without a word... If he showed he would fight for me as hard s I fought for him, I would let him back in and shower him with the love that he's taken for granted, but he would have to allow me and listen and take advice and take me for only me as I took him.. Only then would I take him back...
As for that I will not have sex, I will not love another man and let him in just to break me again. This is my choice and I will not change my mind. I'm done with love until love shows me I'm worth the damn fight!!
Love is NOT sex...
Love is NOT leaving your baby in tears down stairs while you smoke and play games upstairs when her uncle has just commited suicide...
Love is NOT leaving just because you're stressed... Come on!!!
Love doesnt run away and hide....
Love doesn't dispose of a damn good woman...
Love just doesn't abandoned period!!!
My love.... How could he leave me to die and rot?? Last time I checked... I was worth more.......... I thought I was anyway.....
Yet I'm still here without a word... If he showed he would fight for me as hard s I fought for him, I would let him back in and shower him with the love that he's taken for granted, but he would have to allow me and listen and take advice and take me for only me as I took him.. Only then would I take him back...
As for that I will not have sex, I will not love another man and let him in just to break me again. This is my choice and I will not change my mind. I'm done with love until love shows me I'm worth the damn fight!!
Replies
You describe love then you describe this person who seems to be the opposite of love and this person is crushing you, why? If this guy is not love is then why are you letting him control your live? Take your life back and realize he was only hurting you and not loving you. Find the strength to rise up and shed old self to grow into a new person.
We are not together anymore. By his hand, over 20 times I let him break up with me, yet the feelings are still here weighing down. I still refuse to deal with another guy and that\'s the last decision I will make about that. I\'ve already had parts of me lost without his help. He\'s taken parts of my spirit and crushed them, what\'s worse is that I believe in him so much it makes me sick.
I find it unfortunate you will not deal with another guy because some idiot ruined it for the rest of the guys. Does one guy represent the hole? I would decently agree with you if you did not deal with another guy until you were healed. I also want you to remember you are not the first to get hurt and this will probably not be your last time getting hurt by another person.
Its not the fact that he represents all the guys. Its the pure point that that i dont want to give my heart again. Ive dated and felt it in my bones that i had found my soul mate and it was just a game for him. Im done with it. Absolutely sure. I don\'t doubt that I will be hurt again, but it won\'t be over a guy. The many ways in which he has hurt me are things that I cannot heal from. Youve heard the saying the person who broke me can put the pieces back. Its impossible to heal from something when you dont have answers of whats been done that requires abandonment. When I asked he just beat me down with hate and cowardly behavior. Its broken my spirits and I won\'t do anything else regarding guys.
I might not be the best person to be commenting on this considering I\'ve never been in love and no one has ever been in love with me, so it\'s not exactly my area of expertise. However, I do know that you don\'t deserve to be treated the way he treated/treats you. You cared about him, and no matter what he feels he shouldn\'t act the way he does. You deserve better. Some one who cares and someone who will be kind to you and who is willing to listen and hold your hand when you need him to, not a guy who is gonna treat you like crap.
As for the whole giving up on guys, some them might be jerks, but there are a good guys out there and if you give up on all guys you\'ll miss out on that good one that may change your life. Maybe you shouldn\'t give up on them, just be more careful with them...
But like I said, not my area of expertise.