General

I've been "steady" in mood today. Not too much panic. There is a sence of sadness today and I believe it steams from being so lonley and heartbroken. I actully cared about the person whose broken my spirits which is why it's so hard not to have some sort of sadness. I have lit incese which is very calming. Dragon blood sent and Nag Champa. I set it in an open area and let the sent fill me. I'm learning to ALLOW myself to be still and meditate. It's very hard. I'm still unable to sleep. Still haven't cut, have not drank in a whole week, though I do have some crown stashed. My biolodgic aunt and I are getting along so well. She even trusted enough to send me pictures of herself, husband, two children, and her four dogs. It just amazes my how my biolodgic "mom" could be so heartless and cruel, blameing me for her life, yet my aunt said "I'm proud of you". I mean it jerks my heart and makes me cry. I feels good to hear someone say that to me. I haven't heard too much from my cousin who has first contacted me. We haven't gotten into a fight so I don't think it's a negative thing. I think it's okay. I don't trust anyone fully anymore, but they are sweet to me so far.