Feeling Low
I have assignments and I just don't care. Shame on me. I can't find my papers to the honor society that had my password to join. I was thinking my husband threw it away...I think I'm being paranoid...and I am SO IRRITABLE. People on the road getting on my nerves, bumps on the dirt road getting on my nerves. The phone ringing...ON MY NERVES...the fact that I have to go to this night class tonight...yes...its getting on my nerves. Nuff said, I'm in a bad mood.
I put off my volunteer/credit thing until tomorrow. I just wanted to relax and watch tv this afternoon. I know this can sometimes be the results of an overachiever...burn out...but I can't seem to be nice to anyone here lately.
IF I had the money I would take off across the country as far as I could drive and just go...leave everything behind...for just a few days because then I would miss my babies at home (pets), not sure about my husband, he is getting on my nerves too. He is acting kinda manic and being pushy and always wants to do it HIS way. I got a new tank for the betta fish and I swear he can't follow instructions, he has to do it his way (the same way he's always done it, for years and nothing has happened yet) despite everything on the web saying please let your fish acclimate to the water before just dumping him in there. Then I decide to clean the bedroom...its a mess...clothes and books everywhere and medicine bottles. We definetly look like drug attacks with all the pills and vitamins. So I clean, so he goes outside to rearrange brick tiles to get ideas about building a patio and I'm thinking wt>? we don't have the money to do that now and this house needs to be cleaned and you have stuff EVERYWHERE. I told him I'm not picking up after him like he is a child.
Yes, we are both suffering from mood disorders, and its like iron against iron right now or more like fingernails to a chalk board. I've been very frustrated with his irratic behavior, but I've done nearly the same in the past in front of him...I guess I can dish it out but can't handle it coming to me. But I've never suggested some joint suicide thing...ugh.
Things will get back to normal soon I'm sure, but am I cut out to handle someone with mood swings as bad as mine or even worse? I don't know. I don't have a choice right now in the matter though so...well I did say for better or worse, sickness or health...those words are heavier than the day you are happy and saying them when nothing is wrong.
I think I just need a vacation or a few days away so I can think and take a chill pill to calm down from my irritability. It almost feels like what built up to my hospitalization in 2010. I almost did myself in, but he grabbed the weapon out of my hand before the damage was done...it wasn't planned it was impulsive...i was in a mixed episode. And why am I so paranoid all of a sudden. Yes, I was paranoid then too...I thought he was trying to kill me, like he was going to poison my food. Ok..I need to shut it...this venting is enough. I'm not doing myself any good by hashing up old memories. I guess I needed to spill it tonight.
I put off my volunteer/credit thing until tomorrow. I just wanted to relax and watch tv this afternoon. I know this can sometimes be the results of an overachiever...burn out...but I can't seem to be nice to anyone here lately.
IF I had the money I would take off across the country as far as I could drive and just go...leave everything behind...for just a few days because then I would miss my babies at home (pets), not sure about my husband, he is getting on my nerves too. He is acting kinda manic and being pushy and always wants to do it HIS way. I got a new tank for the betta fish and I swear he can't follow instructions, he has to do it his way (the same way he's always done it, for years and nothing has happened yet) despite everything on the web saying please let your fish acclimate to the water before just dumping him in there. Then I decide to clean the bedroom...its a mess...clothes and books everywhere and medicine bottles. We definetly look like drug attacks with all the pills and vitamins. So I clean, so he goes outside to rearrange brick tiles to get ideas about building a patio and I'm thinking wt>? we don't have the money to do that now and this house needs to be cleaned and you have stuff EVERYWHERE. I told him I'm not picking up after him like he is a child.
Yes, we are both suffering from mood disorders, and its like iron against iron right now or more like fingernails to a chalk board. I've been very frustrated with his irratic behavior, but I've done nearly the same in the past in front of him...I guess I can dish it out but can't handle it coming to me. But I've never suggested some joint suicide thing...ugh.
Things will get back to normal soon I'm sure, but am I cut out to handle someone with mood swings as bad as mine or even worse? I don't know. I don't have a choice right now in the matter though so...well I did say for better or worse, sickness or health...those words are heavier than the day you are happy and saying them when nothing is wrong.
I think I just need a vacation or a few days away so I can think and take a chill pill to calm down from my irritability. It almost feels like what built up to my hospitalization in 2010. I almost did myself in, but he grabbed the weapon out of my hand before the damage was done...it wasn't planned it was impulsive...i was in a mixed episode. And why am I so paranoid all of a sudden. Yes, I was paranoid then too...I thought he was trying to kill me, like he was going to poison my food. Ok..I need to shut it...this venting is enough. I'm not doing myself any good by hashing up old memories. I guess I needed to spill it tonight.
Replies
I feel ya!!! I just wanna be alone sometime and do nothing and here no noise at all LOL I have these awesome earplugs and it helps to just have quiet sometime. Oh and wanting to drive far away I think about just going to California or Canada all the time and just start over on my life and everyone tells me it won\'t help. Sure seems like it would. Change my name and hair color and all that LOL Oh and venting about old stuff helps me alot.......that and taking a sharp knife to a canvas and stabbing it. I know sounds weird but it helps, and you gotta be careful not to cut yoursef. (((((HUGS)))))