life
Often times in my life I feel like I want to quit. I feel like I want to just stop; stop breathing, stop thinking, stop moving. But I can't. I used to have a lot of dreams and hope. Then I lost my child and my whole world screeched to a halt. I have spent the last four years trying to gather up the remaining scraps of my heart and soul and I have tried very hard to keep some semblance of a life going. Right now I feel like throwing up my hands and screaming I FUCKING QUIT!!
But I can't, and I won't. Because... I have been through too much to quit. I have walked through shit storm after shit storm and I WANT TO BE HAPPY AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE. And goddamnit I will be happy at some point even if I have to kick and scream through every new shit storm that's going to come my way. I am going to get back up and brush some of the remaining dookie off and keep going. I am going to try again to get healthy, get into therapy, love myself and hopefully at some point I'll remember how to live again without feeling like I am a puppet with a fake smile painted on.
I know life can be good, if I can stop being so afraid of it.
But I can't, and I won't. Because... I have been through too much to quit. I have walked through shit storm after shit storm and I WANT TO BE HAPPY AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE. And goddamnit I will be happy at some point even if I have to kick and scream through every new shit storm that's going to come my way. I am going to get back up and brush some of the remaining dookie off and keep going. I am going to try again to get healthy, get into therapy, love myself and hopefully at some point I'll remember how to live again without feeling like I am a puppet with a fake smile painted on.
I know life can be good, if I can stop being so afraid of it.
Replies
Thank you for not quiting, and by doing so, inspiring many of us to do the same. I have no more interest in life, I dont even give a shit if there is some happiness in the future, cos I think no amount of future happiness is worth the cost I am paying by staying alive through this nightmare. But if Sophia\'s mom and other such brave mamas can can keep going, maybe I can too.