Well it is Wednesday night and I am irritated. I guess that comes with the territory of dealing with your loved ones infidelity. I find myself thinking of the OW~I mean home wrecker:) All the how she looks and what they did and how they shared. I want to throw up. When I think of them together It is like I dont know that man(my H). Maybe that is the denial that he did this. I was the only one who should have known him in that way after we married.I am analyzing everything my husband does. I hate being this person...I was NEVER this person before. I am mad at him for making me this way. I hate trying to trust someone that threw my heart off a cliff and they don't understand my insecurities. If he says hes going somewhere then in my head I have to add the amount of time it should take and then I expect him to be back with a little leeway. Well it takes about 20 to 25 minutes to get to the OW house. So when ever hes going some place for a hour my anxiety goes out the roof. Especially if he dont answer his phone. Tomorrow is counseling. I dont even feel that hopeful for it. He probably will just say something that will upset me...What ever!
Yesterday was a much better day. My H showed me so much reassuring affection. No real thoughts of OW. Why can't everyday be that way? Today was great until he was sapose to run to his dads house and 45 minutes had pasted so I gave him a call and no answer...I felt physically sick. So I called his dads house and He said H had not been over....Feeling more sick. Then I called H and he answered said he just got to dads and that he stopped by the fire hall first. Well in my mind about one month ago he told me he needed to get out of the house so he was going to the firehall to wash his gear...Well this is something he never does and of course when I called he was no there and didnt answer his cell. So why am I to trust and believe him now. He lied so well before. Who is, was this man that lied about were he was. Lied to my face so he could go have sex with the OW. The OW that he told I love you to. How can I just believe and trust so soon? Why are some days so much harder that others? Oh my lord help me keep my sanity:( Good night everyone:)
Yesterday was a much better day. My H showed me so much reassuring affection. No real thoughts of OW. Why can't everyday be that way? Today was great until he was sapose to run to his dads house and 45 minutes had pasted so I gave him a call and no answer...I felt physically sick. So I called his dads house and He said H had not been over....Feeling more sick. Then I called H and he answered said he just got to dads and that he stopped by the fire hall first. Well in my mind about one month ago he told me he needed to get out of the house so he was going to the firehall to wash his gear...Well this is something he never does and of course when I called he was no there and didnt answer his cell. So why am I to trust and believe him now. He lied so well before. Who is, was this man that lied about were he was. Lied to my face so he could go have sex with the OW. The OW that he told I love you to. How can I just believe and trust so soon? Why are some days so much harder that others? Oh my lord help me keep my sanity:( Good night everyone:)
Replies