back again

I'm pushing everyone away, soon I will be alone and then I can end it.  I have these voices in my head telling me that's the way to do it.  I've lost the kids AGAIN, second time and only get 2hrs access a week.  I'm in such a dark place, but no one wants to know, so I put on a brave smile and say "I'm fine".  I live in a one room with ensuite.  It's my prison.  with one phone call a day to my kids.  

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deleted_user
deleted_user

You are certainly not alone - there are people out here who will listen to you and want you to feel better.
I bet your children are the world to you :) Use them as inspiration to light your prison - think of all the positives: you have access to them, you can call them and talk to them, you are alive...etc.