It's been a while since I have written a journal entry.  I haven't been doing so well lately.  My husband is an alcoholic and life is complicated.  Finding a purpose to life is difficult.  I try and keep it together for the kids.  When he drinks, he is obnoxious, arrogant and horrible.  It's like we are totally seperate now.  I don't know who he is anymore.  I feel like I should support him through this, but then I also feel like I should support the chidren and look after them and myself first.  I don't want to take the children from him, but I don't want my children affected by his drinking either.  What makes it harder is that he doesnt remember what he does while he is drunk, so he doesn't understand what the problem is.  He also doesn't think he has a problem with his drinking, it's everyone else's fault why he drinks according to him.  I don't know what to do or who to turn to.  I have no family support, I feel so alone in this and i feel so responsible and at fault for my children as I see the effects that alcohol has on them.  I hope things become clearer one day and I can sort all this out.  The fact that I have to do it alone is terrifying.